OH MY GAH!

The discussion of Whitney's birthday began in February and now it is March 1, 2007 and she is still at it. There are some wonderful responses in this email but once again this originated with Whitney. Are we surprised?

Whitney
WARNING! WARNING!
13 DAYS TIL MY BIRTHDAY!!!

Lisa
That only gives me 12 days to get out of town............................

March 2, 2007
11 Days til my Birthday!
(9 til we begin celebrating)

Whitney
6 Days Til My Birthday!!!!!!

Jared
Note to all,
I will be leaving town Sunday after church and be gone till after the 13th in observance of the National Narcissist's convention electing a new holder of their coveted 'Most Psychotic Award' can't take it.
Jared

Whitney
My birthday is on Tuesday. You will not be going
anywhere.

Carrie
When exactly is Whitney's birthday???????????????????????????

Jared
November

Lindsey
The 13th, but she will start her celebration on Sunday and you better rent a bus for that convention of yours...

Lisa
Ha ha ha ha good stuff I want to go with you.
I'm going with him......
I am so going to the convention

March 8, 2007
Whitney
Let’s make it clear
My Birthday is March 13!
That is 5 days away from today, and today is March 8.
There is little shopping time left. Hop to it!

Lisa
There are lots of convenience stores that stay open 24/7 and gum is always available....I'm not worried

Carrie
OK just heard on the news.................the bus coming and going BOTH got flat tires........... going BOTH directions.................. what are we going to do????????????????????/

Lisa
Ok now I don't know if I'm supposed to go or supposed to stay I just know I don't want to be where Whitney is from the 12th to the 14th so just let me know......someone please.........what am I supposed to do.

Carrie
Pick me up on the way thru town..............................

Whitney
OMG. Carrie, where are you going and why are you getting there by bus?
I missed one again.

Lindsey
She's going with Jared to his phycho convention

Jared
Jared isn't going anywhere. The convention is here for Whitney who was voted most psychotic...stay with me here. I'm leaving so I'm outta town when they get here. Keep up.

Lindsey
GOT IT...I knew I was kinda confused. I'm on board now

Whitney
Nuh-uh.
(Read that with sarcasm in your voice.)

Melanie
Yeah count me in on the bus.

Lisa
40 freaking emails I'm changing my address.

Maggie
43.. beat that

Whitney
There is no bus. You are all volunteering to go on an invisible bus!
2 Days til my Birthday Party!!
And 3 til the actual celebration begins!!

Lisa
In case you hadn't noticed, somehow poor Judy and whoever the heck kmaddo is have gotten caught up in your twisted discussion of your birthday non-celebration. There is a bus it is not invisible....it was a surprise that has now been ruined. It was for you to be taken...........somewhere......... from the 12th thru the 14th. Be in the church parking lot at 6:00 in the am it will be good.....it will be fun.........for some of us........

Judy
My name is Judy Heidenreich. I am very, very confused.
I'm pretty sure I haven't been drinking or doing drugs (today).

Becky
Judy, welcome to our world, the Walker world!! We all lived confused - it helps us cope!

Lisa
Ha ha ha this is good stuff. Somehow you've been sucked into the schizophrenic (I had to look that up) email that began a few weeks ago and has yet to end. It started with a small few and has grown. If you would like to be removed from this email list, tough, it ain't gonna happen. So far we have lost family members to the witness protection program just trying to get away from these emails. Even with that they were found and got sucked back in. Give it up it's too late for you but you may still be able to save the rest of your family.
We do occasional updates so here it is.
Somewhere along the way Whitney had the hair brained idea that her birthday should be a 3 day celebration. We have all rebelled and are now planning to boycott said birthday in order to "get her goat". We have been harassing her for days now and let me just say it has been delicious. I could write more but it is the end of the school day and my children are sitting in my office as I write this and they are VERY VERY aggravated that I have taken the time to do this when they could already be at home numbing their brain on TV. So I'm out for now. Any questions can be directed to www.whogivesaripaboutwhitney'sbirthday.com
Ta

Emma
ahaha that was just wonderful mom thank you very much.

Caitlin
Actually when is the party?

Whitney
Saturday at 4:30 is my
birthday party

Whitney
Someone get me a sphygmomanometer for my birthday.

Lindsey
What the heck is that?

Lisa
We all need a sphygmomanometer to test OUR blood pressure due to your birthday!

Carlie
it is the device we use when we test our blood pressure... you can thank biology 110 for that worthless piece of information.

Lisa
Good job Carlie you know you love it!

Carlie
no, i don't. i really really really really really don't. now, i must stop procrastinating and go study! fairwell, oh wise ones!
also, say a little prayer for whitney and i while we take our test at 5:30
it should go like this:
Dear Jesus,
please let carlie and whit do great on their test.,
let the information they couldn't give a flip about come to them.
about diseases, how we piss, why we have emphysema, a bunch of other useless information that carlie, personally, could care less about.
love you, forever.
amen.

Carrie
Ok so half of us are going to go and half of us are to go I mean stay I mean go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!OK not sure what we are doing.................. and yes we will get you a skitzo machine for you........... we know the results already thou.................

Judy
Okay. So. I will never again be concerned about my own sanity. I can't hold a candle to you people. Anyway, I haven't heard anything about any birthday party, so there must not be one planned, or I'm sure I would know about it.

Whitney
Wait! There is a birthday party!!!
It's Saturday at 4:30!
I can already tell that God is shining down on the
day.
Don't miss it.

Judy
You're mistaken. The forecast says it will be cloudy.

Lisa
Agreed its always cloudy and overcast on March 13th and the cats......hilarious laugh out loud funny..

Carlie
carrie, i picture you in front of your computer making insane facial expressions while typing your EXCESSIVE punctuation....oh and
mrs. judy- well done,well done.
got a great laugh out of her forecast prediction.
also, i'm a hormonal mess and while watching the television a PREVIEW for extreme makeover: home edition(which successfully makes me cry every time i watch it) but while watching the preview i cried. the PREVIEW!?
and then i was watching basketball and pittsburgh was playing, so they're talking about the pitt coach and the sudden tragedy...his sister,28 years old, died of a heart arrithymia last april.
cried again.

Lindsey
Ok, Carlie, your next move needs to be go get in bed put on some horribly tragic movie like Stepmom or Pearl Harbor and BOO-HOO. Just cry and get it ALL out. It will be much better then.

Melanie
I think Carrie you took Becky up on that wine some of your spelling I'm not sure of and the punctuation has got to go I can't understand what you are trying to say and I know the response is going to be BITE ME but whatever and Carlie you didn't have to preface with the hormone thing I live with you saw it coming!

Carrie
NO insane faces just wwaaahhhhhaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!And apparently Biology 110 hasn't covered hormonal imbalances yet!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Just the other useless crappola in previous said email.Yeah that was a Lisa phrase. Yes previews of Homemaker weeelllll yeah me too. That's why I don't watch that anymore. Linny use to make fun of me in church!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Really sorry bout the Pitt coach sister thou.............
See I can use excessive punctuation seriously as well...................................

Judy
I swear you people are deranged........................................(picture excessive punctuation)
This is a whole new side I've never seen before..............................(picture excessive punctuation, hormones and tears)
I'm not quite sure I'm spiritually mature enough to handle this......................(excessive punctuation, hormones, tears and weird facial expressions)
I have to have coffee now.
I hope you all have.................a normal day..........................if you know how.

Lindsey
Warping you in Mrs. Judy was the best thing we ever did! It was all part of our plan...MUAHAHAHAHA!!!

Judy
Oh, dear God, I'm afraid, I'M SO AFRAID!!!

Melanie
what cats are you talking about

Lisa
At this moment I am now confused.....I find it to be a really good place.

Emma
its a video of cats. I put a link on here

Carrie
OH yeah I forgot SIS.......... BITE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Carrie
wat wards did I misssppeell???????

Judy
Carrie, go to www.continuingremedialeducation.com and sign up. Now. Who is Pokey and by the way who is kmaddo2 and I'm assuming that I am not the one who is supposed to bite you, so I will not respond to that. I guess tomorrow the bus is not going to run because of the rain, correct?

Melanie
There were 2 and one was safe for save the other I forgot and already deleted because I was over my quota for mail for real so I had to delete. The BITE ME I knew was coming but I couldn't resist.

Caitlin
I think that the kmaddo2 is kelly maddox. That's a shot in the dark but that's what I'm thinking.

Lisa
I too have wondered who kmaddo2 is...I have no idea.

Lindsey
kmaddo2 is Kelly Maddox. Oh Kelly I am so so so sorry. Ok, everyone DELETE kmaddo2 from your addresses

Carrie
OH NO DARLING I knew it was Kelly. Was wondering tonight if she still wanted to be in the weddin............but oh she is sucked in BIG TIME!!! I figured she was staying under the radar in hopes her identity would not revealed............. but I knew all along I knew.....................

Lindsey
Well, actually she was deleting without reading. Might be a good idea...

Carrie
uuuhhhh up until this email the BITE ME was for blood relatives only............ but SINCE I was given the said web site ( thanks sis for the phrase again) you are more than welcome to as Phoebe on Friends says your all invited to BITE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
love you all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Let’s dance 3-10-2007
Judy
P.S. Can we change the name of the subject line? I hate starting over this many times. It gets tiring.

Carlie
ok, here's a change of subject for ya.
last night i decided to go take a relaxing bath in my parents' bathroom.
the first 20 minutes were great. i was relaxed watching some sweet basketball on the tv in their br. then all of the sudden i hear a little tapping at the door of the bathroom. i had it locked, but you can easily unlock it, so when i hear this noise i stopped for second(didn't say anything) and it later stopped, so i went back to relaxing. 1 minute later again. kept going. i finally muted the television to try and decipher who was at the door and why were they trying to unlock it when i'm stitch-stark naked in the bath tub?! at first my immediate thoughts went to olivia and maggie because they could build a freaking city,i, then, make myself known to the intruders,"hello? i'm naked and unless you want to get a free shot i suggest you don't come in!" there was laughter. that laughter belonged to my mother! so i was all,"WTH?!" (not really, but i can't deny there were similar thoughts passing through my head) she was not even going to let me know she was trying to unlock the door. only when i asked her when she was going to let me in on her little locksmith moment her response was that she was going to tell me when she had it unlocked. unacceptable. i'm trying to take a bath and she's trying to unlock the door so she could get her pajamas on....acting like a two year old when i told her she was going to have to wait. so, she's steady trying to unlock the door. she won't quit. i finally unlocked it for her while i waited in a towel with mollie(who was her accomplice) standing by.
invasion of privacy?
i think so.

Judy
weeping, weeping.
woe is you.

Melanie
No invasion of privacy it's my bathroom and she was holding my pjs ransom for basketball I don't think so but I couldn't stop laughing long enough to be successful I said I needed a 5 yr old to unlock it for me they can do anything and yes Maggie and Olivia could build a city

Lisa
Agreed on Olivia and Maggie and the 5 year

Lisa
Ha ha ha ha and that's what makes this funny. Whitney has missed some of the middle emails and now thinks Judy is in therapy when in fact our entire fam had to begin therapy the day Whitney was born. Carlie your bath story hilarious, Disney animation...could care less, and I HATE VIVA LA BAM AND BAM'S UNHOLY UNION (yes I was yelling)....they are all morons that make a ton of money being morons....I want their money.

Judy
I only had to begin therapy a few days ago when I got on this bandwagon. I'm thinking yes that Carlie can't yell too loud about the no privacy thing because she was in the wrong bathroom to begin with, I don't know who Viva La Bam is
Maggie and Olivia are building a city? Did I miss an email?

Carlie
haha. no, you didn't miss an email. it's a known fact around our households.
they're big fans of CSI. i mean big fans. they like all the cia stuff and they do experiment and stuff like that all the time. wrong bathroom or not; i don't want people walking in on my nakedness, and i don't want to walk in on other people's nakedness as well. unless you're jude law look-a-like.
i kid, i kid.
total joke. kinda.
jude law is slime, but he sure is pretty.

Judy
I'm sure learning a lot.

Lisa
Bam's Unholy union and Viva la Bam are moronic shows on MTV that has obnoxious boys on them and they go around the country trying to do stupid stuff to themselves. They blow each other's stuff up and beat the heck out of cars and anything they can get their hands on. Bam's Unholy Union is about Bam in the process of marrying some idiotic girl and what they are going through to get married. It is a marriage that I truly expect will last.........

Whitney
We have discussed in our abnormal psychology class a
possible cure for obsessive behaviors. It is called
flooding. You simply put the patient in the midst of
whatever they are afraid of, and they are forced to
realize nothing is going to happen to them.
Example: if you don't like spiders, make you hold a
jar of spiders or put a spider on you. If you don't
like small cars, put you in a VW bug and make you ride
for 10 hours. Anyway. I am not a professionl, but I
feel released to try this experiment. Carrie, Dear.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????....................................................................................................................!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!!?!??!?!! Hope you all have a wonderful evening.
Thank you for coming to my party. I loved it.
Don't forget Whitover begins at midnight tonight.
Love you all,
Whitney

Carrie
Well like several of the rest of us you can't spell either. must run in the jeans!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!and nope didn't work still love the!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...............????????????????

Olivia
Midnight or 11 or 1?

Lindsey
Add to the confusion, liv. Good job. Ok, I'm out of e-mails. I have reached my max. Goodnight.

3-11-2007
56!!
Caitlin
I had 56 e-mails in my inbox today. That is ridiculous.
I'm actually not pms-ing
Mother, you need to let go of your aggression towards the viva la bam crew and Missy is a nice girl. They make a good pair.
Carrie you know where I stand on the punctuation issue. I am not for it.
There was just so much! So much!

Whitney
Whitover, Whitover, Whitover...It's Wonderful

Melanie
Okay here is what I've discovered the emails don't actually come in order to everyone so a response may be opened before the first one. Wanna know how I know because the hippos and polar bears came first and the hilarious cats too if you keep reading you will figure it all out if you really want to that is I just read and laugh as I delete. Yes it is therapy and there is alot of hormones loose in these houses I don't care what anyone says I have a bunch of my own. I am totally looking forward to Thursday and GIRLS TRIP woohoo!! uhoh watch that punctuation I don't want to go down a road I can't return on

Becky
step away -
I mean it!

huh? 3-11-2007
Stephanie
ok so i've been gone all weekend. i come home to find 70 emails in my inbox. it's like when you're on the phone and you get in that one spot in the room where the lines bleed over and you catch someone else's conversation and even though you can hear some of the words that the person is saying you can't quite make sense of the conversation. that is my experience reading these 70 emails. i must have missed a couple of emails here and there because none of them made sense.
but i mean.....i love you all and i hope you can work out your differences in a timely manner*
*timely manner used in this context implies that i don't come home to 70 emails every weekend

Judy
only 70????????????????????????????????
somebody's falling down on the job!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Becky
If I were you, Steph, I would just DELETE! It's been insane!

And so ends another useless waste of words....don't get me wrong I love them all....but useless none the less.