This and that

September 15, 2009

Halfway through the fast and sadly my headache has remained with me today and although I still would love to eat cardboard right now, I think I can see just the tiniest bit of light at the end of the fasting tunnel.

It’s raining again and although that does not affect my eating, it’s not good if you have dogs because they get cabin fever just like little children. Because it has rained so much, we have a towel by the back door for them to wipe their feet on but they don’t really get the premise of the towel. They walk right over it without even scruffing their feet on it and then one of them will grab the towel and then they, Addy and Dottie, play a very loud tug of war until I yell Addy’s name VERY LOUDLY and she stops and looks at me like, “What’d I do?” Pretty much the same reaction my kids would give me when they were little and what am I even saying they STILL do that. Having dogs and little children are very similar in many ways.

Emma just blew in for a sec between school and work and had half a dozen stories to tell about college life. When she and Caitlin tell me their school stories, whether they realize it or not, they reveal more of the character that's coming forth in each of them and I have to say almost all of the time I'm pleased. They want to do well in their classes and they have a really good work ethic. I'm so glad they are taking responsibility for their lives and even though some days I’m a little sad that my babies are grown up, I really like the people they're becoming.

My responsibility to educate my last two kids remains and then that part of my job of raising children will be complete. I hope. I really never realized that when I had children, I would be re-entering school and the workload would be greater and more important to me this time. But once again I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I'm not planning on being involved in my grandchildren’s education. I hope my kids realize that.

I'm working on perfect peace this week during my fast even though fasting and peace almost seem like an oxymoron. I have yet to attain fully that goal to which I aspire but I want to live in perfect peace as much as I can. I want to have a confidence in God like I never have. Unfortunately, sometimes each day holds a new challenge for me and I have to fight to get peace but I'm still working to get there. Please God help me get the peace I want. Remind me to be fearless because you live in me. I know I've said that before but I'm trying to beat it into my brain.

All have gone to bed except Owen, Olivia and I and all the dogs have taken up their sleeping positions on the furniture. They have a tough life. It occurs to me that I've lost some of the thunder I used to have.

Tomorrow holds another mystery that has yet to unfold. And there once again I'm searching for the peace that has eluded me but I'll conquer fear in Jesus name. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Maybe tonight as I sleep God will take all the fear and replace it with something wonderful. I'll believe that’s what will happen and as I lay my head on my pillow, I'll remember how faithful God has been to me and my family no matter how hard life has gotten or how much we've lost. But that's a story for another day and I know it’s not time to tell that one yet.