Toothpicking it

The story of Whitney “toothpicking it” came up again today, and although it’s not the story I was planning on telling, it is in fact the one I'm choosing to tell. Several years ago our church planned a cruise for a group of women and although I didn’t want to go, my whole family of girls in town decided we should go on the cheap tacky cruise together. It was a very bad decision except for the many stories that came from it. Anyway, while cruising along for 4 “fun-filled” days and nights, we were always looking for places to escape the crazy drinking people or the naked sunbathing on the wrong side of the partition people. Sidebar, almost all naked is unnecessary and all naked in public is ridiculous because in case you haven’t noticed; there are very few Heidi Klum types.

But back to the subject at hand, each night we would search the ship and find a quiet place on deck to gather a few chairs and question the sanity of the decision about cruising and doubt our ability to choose wisely. One night as we were watching the Caribbean Ocean float by, a discussion opened up about what we would do if Lindsey fell overboard. Whitney immediately and without hesitation told us that she'd bravely rescue Lindsey by jumping in after her. The whole group peppered her with the many reasons how that would never work with the most obvious reason being she'd probably be knocked out when she hit the surface of the water. She then proceeded to tell us that would never happen because she would “toothpick it.” Get the image in your head. She'd have the “sense” to jump off a moving ocean liner....in the dark.....with arms firmly glued to her sides....so she'd go straight into the water with no injuries, no life jacket or preserver AND would toothpick a rescue of an overboard passenger. Made no sense....but to this day, and after much debate, she remains steadfast in her belief that the toothpick would have worked like a charm.

And Nicholas Cage didn’t help the argument after he jumped off the air craft carrier in National Treasure. And yes I know it was a stunt double and not Nicolas Cage but Whitney had no stunt double on the boat. So even now, years later, when the term "toothpick it" continues to come up in conversation, the obligatory argument begins and after everyone involved gives many logical reasons for why this could never work, Whitney remains firm in the idea about how great a rescue it would be. I don’t think she'll ever see it any other way.

And now Lindsey's planning to go on another cruise.....thank God with her husband and not me this time.....and when Whitney found out, she said she might need to give Bill some pointers on toothpicking it just in case.

Her mind is a terrible thing to waste.