The story of Owen and Neville

Tonight Owen will graduate from Neville High School. It's still sort of a shock when I say that. Because it's not what I wanted. Let me tell you why.

About 6 years ago Kent Henry came to our church for a concert and preaching session. He's the nicest hippy type guy, really personable and easy to talk to. While there he made a point to meet people and talk to them and ask questions about their lives. Well one of the nights he was there, Owen and I were standing in the church gym...I still know exactly where we were standing...as Kent, Owen and I were talking. Kent was asking about where Owen went to school and about his own daughter attending high school. He said he had some concerns about her attending a public high school, but his older son said to him, "Dad she will be fine, let her go." And when he made that statement, I KNEW at that exact moment, Owen was going to Neville. The actual words in my head were, "Crap, he's going to Neville." And I was instantly mad. Seven seconds after Kent said that to us I began a months long, one sided dialogue with God. It started with why I didn't want him to go and why it was a bad idea. He said nothing. He knew I was mad, because I told Him every day. Every single day. And every single day He said nothing. It was so annoying. So I stayed mad. And God knew it. 

All the while I was mad, we were planning our next school year at Pine Grove. What I wanted was for all my kids to graduate from our church school. It mattered to me. So as the next year was looming in the distance, people were committing to come to our school, and I was preparing for it, Olivia's senior year. She had to graduate. Had to. But the closer it got to August, less and less people were committing to come and it was getting to be a concern. The school opened just as we planned, but it was obvious in just a few days, we didn't have enough kids to continue. I was devastated. Truly so. I felt a personal responsibility about it closing, and I beat myself to death about it every day. I rarely let up on me...reminding myself of all the things I probably did wrong which caused it to close. I droned on and on and on about it, mostly to myself. God let me rant. 

But even in the midst of what I saw as my horrible failure, I still had to educate my two remaining high school/junior high kids. So instead of sending them out to school that year, we decided I'd homeschool Olivia and Owen. But I knew in my heart I couldn't do it with Owen for 4 more years. It wasn't what he wanted and I knew that. And I could see Neville hanging in the future like this huge hulking building on Forsythe. I continued to be annoyed. God and I didn't speak about it. In fact, we didn't talk much about anything. I figured freezing Him out would make Him see I was right, and I'd get my way. 

Well, I'm happy to report that homeschool worked, for a year at least, and the three of us survived and in the spring of 2010 Olivia graduated...by herself...as possibly the last known Pine Grove graduate ever. We had a ceremony and everything.  

But...Owen still had four more years.    

As the 2010 school year wound down, John and I talked and talked and talked about what to do with the boy. We knew of an orientation being held at Neville for parents and students of incoming freshmen. John and I went to get a feel for the place and I was determined that after this, God would finally see my side, admit He was wrong and get on board with my plan....even though I didn't have one. So the two of us went. We listened. It didn't sound too bad. But I was still right. Someone ELSE was wrong. When we left that night I had a sick feeling in my stomach. This just could't be the plan! Could it?! It couldn't be the best for Owen. Was it?! But God said nothing.  

Soon after that night, I reluctantly called Neville and made an appointment with the principal to talk to him about Owen possibly, maybe attending. Still mad. We had a good talk. We asked a lot of questions. He answered them. He didn't seem to be an ax murderer. No one there did. It was so weird that everyone was nice. But I didn't like it. When we left that day, it was all so real to me that this thing was actually going to happen and Owen was going to attend Neville High School. The whole time still so pist about being right, but clearly not getting my way. That whole summer I had the weight of the world on my shoulders. August was coming fast. Owen was excited about going to Neville. It was me against the world. Finally, it was the night before the first day of school and I couldn't move to Canada with Owen and have an ignorant Canadian son. And I'd not made any plane resos or anything. It seemed inevitable that morning was coming and he was going.  

The first day came and went....he loved it. How could I be the only one who was right about this being a bad idea? Whatever, I knew he'd still come around to my way of seeing it. 

Day 2....loved again. So. Stupid.

Day 3 through all the rest of his first year...loved it. He played on the baseball team. He made friends. He thrived. It was only a matter of time before he AND God saw the error of their ways. Really. Really. Also, in the first year, he made all A's. The year ended. He was alive, not bullied, and he'd had so much fun. And, at the end of his first year, he made the decision he was going to try for all A's the next year as well, and announced to me his goal of being valedictorian, which required three more years of obtaining all A's. That put so much pressure on me.  

The second year came and went. He loved it again and he had all A's again. It was becoming more and more clear someone was possibly wrong about something.

Third year....by now the wrongness was screaming at someone. Someone was wronger than anyone else. His report card was once again full of A's. Three years of A's. Wow. And it was that year Owen made a best friend and they began to hang out and have fun. He made other friends and life was as he wanted it. Then the unthinkable happened. His friend, Daniel, told me he was going to Germany for his senior year of high school. That was it! Finally...surely I was right. It caused me stress to think Owen would be all alone his senior year. No best friend. No friends. No friends at all. I was finally right....and drama free. 

But at the same time, three years...already? No. Way. It was going by crazy fast. And so began his senior year....him all alone..... Well, turns out, Owen made another best friend. Possibly better than the first. Go figure. Someone was maybe gonna have to tell someone else someone was wrong. Super super wrong. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. I hate that. 

So in January 2014 he was down to four more nine weeks and two more semesters to bang out all A's one more time. I was so nervous the whole time. After Christmas he came home one day and told me he was trying out for the tennis team. His new best friend was on it and he was going to try to make it. Wait..... What? You've hardly ever played tennis. You've never had a lesson. You don't own a racquet. He was determined. Well, he made the tennis team. He played doubles all spring, and he and his partner won way more than they lost. He loved it. The last two 9 weeks of school were nail biters for him and his A's. He'd hit a hurdle in Chemistry and it was gonna be close to get that last A. Even though he worked harder, he still needed a miracle. And on the absolute last day of school he found out he got his A in Chemistry and he had all A's again. So last night I sat down and added up all the A's he made in 4 years and it came to a grand total of 178. 178. That's 178 A's in four years. I can't even.... 

And so he made his goal of valedictorian. And tonight I'll watch my son graduate from a school I never wanted him to attend. 

In the four years Owen attended Neville, I can't count the number of people who have complimented his character. He's been the nice guy to the unpopular people as well as friends with all different groups of kids. He's made so many friends I just can't tell you. It's been quite humbling to me. All of his teachers were wonderful and tough and very impactful in his life. And I know he wouldn't be who he is now if he hadn't gone to school there. I know it. He knows it. And I know God knows it.

So what's the moral to the story for me?

If only I had trusted God back in in 2009 when Kent Henry said those words to us. If only I'd heard it and said, "OK God, I'm with you." If only my sacrifice had been silent and true. Instead it was loud and argumentative. And you know the thing is, I knew all along I was going to do what God told me to, I did send Owen to Neville. But during the process, He got way to much attitude and arguments about it. Wish I hadn't done it that way. Wish I'd trusted more and griped less. But God knows me and knows my mouth. I know He could take it, just wish He hadn't had to. He was right and I was wrong. Shocker. And He hasn't said I told you so one time. 

I hope, if there's a next time, I quietly listen and nod and say OK. 

I hope. 

So tonight, the first ever of our blood will make a speech, along with two other valedictorians and receive an honors diploma from Neville High School. Forty six years after the first one in our family graduated from the same school. There is a bit of tradition about it. Owen loves his alma mater. And I have to say even though I know my kids are good students, I never saw this one coming. His determination has been something to behold. I never nagged him about his schoolwork at all. It's truly his accomplishment. And we will celebrate it tonight. 

Well done Owen Thomas.

Congratulations for what you've achieved. I couldn't be more proud....or more wrong. 

And God couldn't have been nicer about my wrongness. 

Here's to getting it right next time. 

I hope.   

I just went back and found this blog post from four years ago. If only I could have told myself then what myself today sees. It will all be OK.

Owen starts real high school tomorrow morning as one of about 800 kids. He's never been more than 1 of 55 students until now. He's always had an aunt, a close friend or his mom as his teacher. In all my ideas of how my kids would be educated, public high school was never in the plan. And even though I have peace about him going, it's not completely easy to watch it happen. It's never been easy for me to watch my kids take another grown up step in their lives. It's part of the process of letting them go but even so, doing it is the most difficult thing I've ever done.

Here's to getting it right next time...