The greatest glasses in the history of glasses

To say I'm having a motivation problem these days is putting it mildly. I sorta, kinda, maybe want to blog, but what to write about is a question I've had a difficult time answering. I'm not in the most positive place in life right now. And I don't want to be a drag, so I've avoided this space. 

In the meantime many things have happened that I could have recorded, but I haven't. Owen moved away, Emma was home for a month, we didn't get to take a vacation and I didn't get to gripe about it....well...not on my blog at least. So many changes have and are still taking place. And I'm a reluctant spectator of it all. 

There is a feeling in the pit of my stomach that rarely leaves me. It's a reminder of who is missing in my life. And because I feel that way, it's hard for me to come to this space and write funny things. Or things I think are funny. The funny side of life has been my wheelhouse for as long as I can remember. And while I have recorded the sad events that have taken place in recent months, it's hard for me to move on to fun stuff. So it seems I've lost my way a bit. 

I don't want to be perceived as moving on too soon, because I'm still grieving and missing my Mom and my sister. So where is the line drawn? I'm not sure at all. But today I looked through the drafts for my blog that I worked on in the last few years. For one reason or another I never finished them to post. I ran across this one that brought a smile to my face and a warm memory to my heart. And I decided to share it. It harkens back to a trip almost three years ago that I took with my three sisters to New York City. It was in NYC that I bought some touristy stuff to use for funzies. 

Don't be confused, I wrote the rest of this over a year ago.

Here it is....

Almost three years ago I went to New York City with my sisters and I had a life changing experience when I met Lady Liberty. That's of course the Statue of Liberty. I was the only one in our group of four who hadn't seen it in person and I was determined to visit it even if I had to make a solo trip to make it happen. Turns out all were willing to go with me.

On the day we planned to go, Becky was under the weather and a boat ride wasn't the best plan for her life. She gets motion sickness anyway, so for her to be queasy and then have to get on a boat? Not good. But Becky was a trooper for the cause of the day, so the four of us set out to lower Manhattan to catch the ferry to Liberty and Ellis Islands.

Liberty Island and all things on liberty Island were more magical than I could have imagined. It was a gloriously beautiful blue sky day. I could have stayed for...almost ever.... We took pics, strolled around and visited the gift shop. That's where I bought the second greatest thing in the history of things. What's the first greatest thing in the history of things you're probably asking? A tiny lady liberty statue bought in Times Square of course! 

During the trip over to Liberty Island, Becky left her breakfast somewhere between the island of Manhattan and Libby's house. But somehow she powered through it all and at the end of the day I had my souvenir that I wanted to make interactive. You will see what I mean.

Anyway...the glasses make people stand out from the crowd. I won't say it makes for the most flattering pics, but who cares?!?! They're fabulous!! 

Lets go see who agreed to put them on for a photo. Shall we?

Yes we shall!    

I'll go first!

This is where it all began. I wanted a cheap, touristy Statue of Liberty to take home to Louisiana. Then I found the cheap touristy glasses on Liberty Island....the rest is history. I mean, I look terrible and fabulous all at once in this picture.  

Ugh. Carlie looks way cuter than me.

Carrie Anna being a good sport for me.

Owen's baby face is hidden under a beard these days. Also, he NEVER smiles for silly pics. 

The one. The only. Gmaw in the glasses. 

The one. The only Beba in the glasses. 

The different commitments to the Libby glasses pics are so funny to me. As varied as the people trying them on.

James seems to be saying..."Really?"

These glasses don't make friends with hats. 

William looks as though he's doing a dab with the glasses on. I like it.

Then he went straight up cute picture taking. 

One more. 

There were repeat offenders. 

James seemed to have gotten on board with my vision.

So we kept snapping away. 

How cute is that face?

Even Addy got in on it.

She wasn't amused. 

I mean, these are fabulous. 

Kit Kat looks skeptical.

Still fabulous and I don't ever want to lose these glasses.

I still have the best glasses in the history of glasses, so if anyone wants to come by for a pic, just let me know. Why would you not?

That ends the old post and brings us back to the current me. 

So there you have it. I posted a post and didn't make myself cry. Well done me. 

It's now 1:54 AM. Do you know where my Libby glasses are?

That makes two of us. I'm now off to find them and then go to bed. 

Ta people. 

Update so people won't worry....I found the Libby glasses. Crises averted.

NOW I'm really going to bed.

Living without her

I've had the greatest intentions of spending more time on my blog, but it hasn't worked out that way. I've had the hardest time staying focused or caring to put my thoughts down for me to see. Let alone anyone else. 

The truth is, I'm struggling to succeed at overcoming grief. So many things have changed, and there's much more left to settle out. It's been nine months since I talked to my mother. Nine months of silence. Nine months of missing her like crazy. And in those nine months I've learned one thing for certain. There is not one person on this earth who can fill her void in my life. And I don't know what to do with myself. 

I was at her house the other day, sitting in her room. It's not easy looking at her things, all the while wishing she was there. Very little has changed there since she left us, except for Carrie's things that are in Mom's room. Which makes it all that much more difficult. Carrie's sweater sitting on the bed, a reminder she too is gone. It's like a knife in the hand. 

I know what a broken heart feels like. It's what I feel like almost every day. Waking up to the remembrance they are both gone from my life. Knowing I can never speak to either of them again. The hardest part of it all is the separation. The loss of communication.    

So instead of being able to talk to Mom, I find myself looking through her Christmas notebooks. She has lists that date from 1986 to last Christmas. Her 2017 list she was working so hard to finish, still incomplete. 

I love to see her handwriting and how meticulous she was about keeping a record of all she gave. 

I love seeing my name in her hand. 

1986
Lisa - house door stop - heart bracelet 

In 1986 my mother gave me a house door stop, and I'm certain the heart bracelet is 1980's fabulous, in my jewelry box. 

But the real treasure, for me, is her handwriting. I sat there lost in her words, wishing so desperately that I was waiting for her to come in the room and settle in for a chat. 

I need to talk to her. And I want her to talk back to me.  

Mom never told me everything would be OK. She let me talk through whatever it was I wanted to say. No matter what it was. It was Mom and me. Her understanding....because she was Mom. And she was mine. Lots of times our talks were about learning to let go. Letting my children go. Watching them leave.  

I wish....she were here to sit with me as I try to figure it out. 

I wish....I could hear her voice. 

I think it ironic that I want to talk to her about letting go, when that's what I have to do with her. 

A friend once told me you are never old enough to lose your mother. She was right. 

I'm 59 years old and I've lost my mother. 

And I feel lost without her.