Quiet time?

September 14, 2009
We started our fast yesterday after lunch and I never realize how important chewing is until I don’t do it for many hours together. I’ll survive this fast, but I think if I could chew my day would have more meaning. It’s the little things in life that make it wonderful and today chewing went up about 100 notches on my bucket list……but on to more intelligent subjects.

If I am still and quiet will God speak to me? I’m usually running from quiet time but today I decided to try it again. So at 1:57 PM I told myself I was gonna be still and quiet for 10 minutes. By 1:59 I decided I should maybe have some worship music on…..quiet time I know, but its worship music. Anyway I went to YouTube and looked for the new song we sang yesterday at church and listened to it and it was great, but then there was this tag over to the side that said Moving Forward song story and I thought hmmmm that looks interesting so I decided to watch that and before I knew it, it was 2:22. WHAT? OK starting over I’ve already technically completed 2 minutes so I will now sit here for 8 minutes and make myself be still…..OK starting…….NOW. Eyes closed, sitting still for AT LEAST a full minute, then I leaned over and put my left hand over my left eye, sort of resting on it. Hmmm I wonder what it will look like if I just open my right eye while my left eye is closed….....OK that was not so interesting and didn’t take up much time either. But looking outside the sun is shining. I thought it was supposed to rain? And was that dog hair that just flew by in the air? Wait a minute…..what time is it? Two twenty-five? How can only three minutes have passed since I started my second quiet time? Quiet! I’ve only got 5 minutes left. I’m just a tiny bit sleepy. God can you hear me? I may have dosed off for a second. How is it conceivably possible that it is only 2:29? Quiet time moves so much slower than talking and chewing time. Seems like I could have taken a short trip in that long quiet time……sigh……next look at the clock……2:31! Score! I made it 11 minutes! It took 34 minutes to get 11 minutes of quiet time. Did not hear a thing from God…..pretty sure I was completely focused and ready to receive. He must be trying to have quiet time.

Later that same day……..I have a headache and I have no hope of ever eating again. Juice and chocolate milk will not sustain me. I know that in my heart. Does it really make sense to fast? Did we think this through? Maybe fasting is one of those decisions that you need to talk about over a series of supper meetings. I’m just not sure of the logic in fasting. My head hurts, my eyes hurt, I have been to the bathroom 5,000 times today and I’m pretty sure if I sneak an almond m and m no one will ever know. I can see the cabinet that houses the m and m’s but John is across the room and there could be a crunching sound problem. So instead I just went and brushed my teeth and actually thought about talking a big glob of toothpaste in for a snack. Desperate days call for desperate measures.

One more full day to go and then part of another day till some kind of food will pass my lips. Looking back at when I joined my church, I’m thinking I maybe should have checked the by-laws or something and found out if fasting was in the rules. It may have been a deal breaker for me. I mean is it even legal? Our dogs are eating and they don’t even seem to be the least bit concerned about the rest of us. I think that’s pretty selfish. I wonder if dog biscuits count as food for humans? Maybe I have found a technicality. They sound so delicious when they are crunched.

Sigh, it is 11:53 PM and the first day is over. More quality quiet time tomorrow, but right now my thoughts are liquid. I’m certain that without some sort of solid food, all of this could be hazardous to my health. How divine a cracker might be, just a lovely little saltine...plain and dry. It would be as if I was sitting down to Thanksgiving turkey. It's occurred to me that it’s possible I’m not thinking rationally. Food makes everything so much clearer. And surely chewing is a form of exercise. Ahhhhh chewing….it is occurring to me that I may need to change the subject. Olivia was just telling me about a cheesecake she had to cut for someone today, but that didn’t really change the subject.

Now thinking of Dallas and that glorious place called The Cheesecake Factory where cheesecake grows on trees. If I left right now I would get there by 5:00 AM ish. I wonder if they open for people with a cheesecake emergency……

James 1:6&7
6But when you ask Him, be sure that your faith is in God alone. Do not waver, for a person with divided loyalty is as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is blown and tossed by the wind.
7Such people should not expect to receive anything from the Lord.