This is John

John goes to Arkansas to work 4 times a year. He always leaves in the evening at about 6 and makes the 2 hour drive to Magnolia, gets up at 5:30AM, works til about 4 and then heads home. Happens 4 times a year. I always do a run through of "do you haves" before he leaves on a business trip such as, "Do you have your phone, phone charger, wallet, money in wallet?" I'll stop here to interject that one time as I was driving him TO THE AIRPORT, I asked if he had cash and he said, "Oh I forgot to go to the bank." He had 12 cents on him at the time. The man was leaving town for a week with 12 cents on his person. So because he exhibits this type behavior, I resentfully have to go into mommy mode and make sure he has all his stuff before he takes a trip.

He went to Magnolia Wednesday to work on Thursday. He called me from the hotel to tell me he had arrived safely. We chatted a minute...I'll call you when I'm leaving to come home, be careful, love you, night, we hang up.

In about 15 minutes he calls back and says, "You're never gonna believe what I forgot." And I'm thinking oh my gosh he forgot some of his monitoring equipment and now he may not be able to do the work. And then he says, "I FORGOT TO BRING CLOTHES"

Long pause....Me, "UMMM WHAT?"

John, "Yeah I forgot to pack clothes."

Me, "You have no clothes." John, "I have no clothes."

Me, "Well did you wear clothes there?" (cause I never let him leave home naked). John, "Yeah I wore jeans but the plant requires everyone to wear a long sleeve shirt." (Something about stuff flying through the air....maybe hexavalent chrome? I don't know.)

How could anyone forget to bring clothes? You can't leave town without clothes. Clothes are a big part of the trip, otherwise it's just a bunch of traveling naked people making everybody sick. I've never gone on a trip ANYWHERE and forgot to bring clothes. Not only do I bring clothes, I ALWAYS bring extra clothes. On a day to day basis, clothes keep us from wanting to burn our eyes out of their sockets. They're VERY important.

And none of my checklists for him have ever included the question, "Did you remember you can't go naked tomorrow?"

By the time we got through the no clothes conversation, it was 9:00 pm and John was going to the fashion mecca of Magnolia Arkansas, Wal Mart, to buy a shirt. And as much as I hate to shop WITH John for outfits, I NEVER LET HIM CLOTHES SHOP ALONE because he has one look and one look only, math teacher beige. He's always only looking for beige. And so when he sent a picture of himself from the dressing room, it was as close to math teacher as I expected. They must have been all out of beige, because he purchased a yellow plaid situation that caused Emma to comment when she saw him, "Dad, you look like scotch tape." She was correct. His biggest thrill was it only cost 7 bucks. He got what he paid for.

This kind of stuff really does happen in our household and most of the time I have photographic evidence to back it up.


This is my life.