1998

I'm continuing the calendar series with the year 1998. It was not a good one.

January 1998 found me continuing to record my girls sleeping spots in their room and then on January 3rd I took Slade and Nina to meet someone in Arcadia for the Shreveport kid transfer. And that's a trip I'm very familiar with. In fact, every single one of us made the trip to Arcadia at some point during the little kid phase of the Shreveport Walkers. This tradition began when Meredith and Brooke were babies and continued through Carmen, Slade and Nina. The Monroe fam always looked forward to these fun weekends that were jam packed full of cokes and cookies and ice cream and staying up late. It was a blast.

On January 5, 1998 Big Frank went into the hospital for hip replacement surgery. One of Dad's MOST hated places in all the world was a hospital so for him to have an extended stay in one was not good at all. It was a major relief when he was released. And after batting the idea back and forth in my head, I decided to throw in a story about Big Frank and hospitals. Melanie, Carrie and I were all born in a Catholic hospital where nuns ran the show and scared people to death as they did. And with each birth, there was an opportunity for Big Frank to have a run in with at least one nun during Billie June's stay. Now for several nights before I was born, BJ had sent their 4 kids to neighbors' houses to spend the night just in case they had to go to the hospital. Finally, one night, Frank had had enough of the sleepovers and insisted on staying home and of course that's the night Mom went into labor. So off to the hospital she and Dad went with Frank in tow. And that didn't sit well with the nuns. They told Dad that Frank was absolutely not allowed to stay...period...end of story. But after "some discussion" between Big Frank and the nuns, he and Frank sat downstairs in the lobby until I was born. Dad had gone head to head with the nuns and lived to tell about it. I don't like scary stories.

But back to 1998, by this time in PGCA's history and until 2006, a long illustrious career in the arena of ALCAL basketball had begun. Over the years we traveled to exotic locales like Crossett, Camden and Magnolia Arkansas, Greenville Mississippi and Ruston Louisiana. Sometimes the traveling seemed never ending with 2 nights of games each week. But we had lots of fun and some of the parents would caravan to games together. The kids would play 3 games...win some....lose many....and then late in the evening, we'd all head back home. It was fun MOST of the time. We had our special places to stop like the convenience store my kids called Tyrannosaurus Rex (T Ricks) on the way to Magnolia and then coming back from Greenville we'd stop at the hole in the wall convenience store that had Baskin Robbins ice cream. The caravans ALWAYS stopped for ice cream.

Once when we went to Greenville Mississippi to play a tournament, someone came up with the genius idea that we should eat at Doe's Eat place. There's almost no way to describe Doe's except to say I think they outfitted the entire place with stuff from a junk yard. It was the most eclectic "decorating" I've ever seen in my life and to say they'd never dusted a thing in 100 years is absolutely the truth. They served huge hunks of meat, fresh cut French fries and tamales. And if you didn't eat any of those, then you weren't eating at Doe's because that's all they served. One steak weighed 48 ounces and it fed an entire family of 6. The food was good and that's what we tried to keep our focus on and not the cleanliness...or lack thereof. The other awesome thing that stood out about Doe's was the location. It sat on the edge of crack ally and our cars had to be parked just right or they might have been "relocated" before we finished eating. But I'm happy to report no felony car thefts occurred as we were eating and we made it home safe and sound. I don't usually like to refer to a dining experience as an adventure but this one certainly was.

Over the 9 years our kids played basketball we watched some really great games, some really tough games and some major heart breakers. And I'll never forget when the boys and the girls each FINALLY beat Columbia Christian after getting creamed by them FOREVER. It was awesome beating them! And the last few years before basketball at PGCA ended was probably the most fun because we won A LOT! I love to win. And 4 out of the last 5 years, the girls' team won the Christian character award. The only thing we never won was the tournament and that would have been sweet.

One of the pastimes we came up with during basketball season was secret names for people whose real names we didn't know or didn't care to know. There was Big Al, whose real name was Butch...I think ours was actually an improvement. There was Mrs. Winky, the jolly green giant and the Russian. This was a super tall girl we felt may have been recruited from Russia to Magnolia AR...it made perfect sense at the time. And then of course her mom was known to us as Mother Russia. The only others we could remember were the mosquito, Enrique and Ogre. We still consider all of these brilliant and usable today.

Don't forget we're still in January when on the 13th there was another attempt to steal one of my casserole dishes through the disguise of a scheduled men's covered dish supper. But I'm happy to report that after I installed tracking devices on all my cookware, I never had another thing stolen. Smart me.

Now in order to keep people from falling asleep, I perused February and saw little to report other than lots of family birthdays with a total of 6 and the only other recorded happenings were haircuts and teacher appreciation week.

But with March came fever as all 4 of my kids were struck by disease the very first week. However, there's no report of vomiting so I guess I dodged a bullet that time. Also in March spring break was the week of the 16th when Grandma, Melanie and Randy went to Corsicana for a visit and Emma G. got her ears pierced on March 17th, St. Patty's day. Our Dallas girl’s trip was the 26th through the 29th and softball tryouts were held on the 28th. Also in March there was a jewelry party at someone's house I'm no longer friends with and I find I've said that a lot in the 3 years I documented so far. And not one of these people was anyone I beat out for an afghan or Chinese Christmas. Actually all of them left church mad and with their exit, so went the friendship. Shocking.

April was packed full of events with the ACE Senior convention as well as another silent auction, which I don't remember at all. Easter break was the 9th through the 13th with my birthday being April 12th, Easter Sunday. I mention that for one reason. On Easter Sunday 1998, Billie June was feeling really ill and of course in true Etheredge fashion, wanted to "wait it out" at the house. But after some time of letting her have her way, Melanie and I insisted she go the emergency room. After hospital time and tests, she had her gall bladder removed on the 17th and we were all relieved when she was on the road to recovery. But, she must have given me the go ahead to leave town, because by that day, my family was in Corsicana. We got home on the 20th just in time for CAT tests at school which always prompted John to begin asking our kids stuff like this, "What kind of fish has whiskers?" "If you have one orange tabby cat and 3 gray cats...how many cats do you have?" This elicited a response like, “Dad it’s not a test about cats!" It happened EVERY SINGLE YEAR.

Now I'm gonna stop here and interject a Billie June hospital story because I can. Historically anytime she's been in the hospital and doped up on pain meds she's been one loopy chick. She would get all kinds of crazy and she loved the self hook up to the pain machine. She spent A LOT of time pumping that button. Well when she was between that state of la la land and unconsciousness she would say some pretty goofy things and we ALWAYS enjoyed trying to make her. BUT one time when Austin and I were in the room with her, she was loopy as a loon AND talking to Becky on the phone. She did....without shame....accuse both Austin and I of dropping the f bomb! Yep. That's what the 2 of us liked to do back in the day was go visit people in the hospital and sit around using extremely offensive language. But I promise even after all these years, AND as unreliable as she was at the time, she still looks at us as if she doesn't believe we didn't do it. No freaking way.

But I digressed in order to save Austin's and my honor. And now I'll return to 1998.

On April 23rd I have a note that says, "Gran reaming," which meant he had to have a minor surgery to correct something in his throat. From time to time he had a problem with blockage in his throat and once again because Etheredges hated hospitals, he would refuse to go to the doctor until he HAD to. Truly was always kind of a scary patient because he never did well recovering from anesthesia but I'm happy to report, he made it through just fine. The end of April saw the beginning of ball season which meant once again we lived at the ball park. Every single kid except for Owen was playing at the time and we loved watching the kids play. But right at the start of ball season, from April 27th to May 1st, Melanie and Randy took a trip to Minnesota and with that, April ended and May was just getting started.

Carrie had come home to watch Turner munchkins while the parentals were out of town but she left on the 3rd taking the Billie June with her. Apparently Mom had recovered well enough from her gall bladder surgery to take on Big D. But Gran's "reaming" obviously didn't take the first time because he had to have a repeat procedure on May 7th and then Dale and Lydia went to Corsicana from the 12th to the 14th. And as usual, there was the piano/awards gauntlet. BUT I have no gymnastics recital listed anywhere which means....praise God....we had finally let that go. And even though we loved the girls' teachers, I KNOW I sang a happy tune when gymnastics was over for life. But because we had traded one sport for another, softball was on like Donkey Kong with 36 games just in the month of May alone. That's a lot of ball.

June began and on the 7th, I made my last trip ever to Arcadia that later proved to be unforgettable. It was a relay trip trying to get Billie June to Corsicana that encompassed about 6 people. I took her to meet Frank who was taking her to Shreveport and then later, Suzie was going to take her to Dallas. Becky's friend Jerry picked her up and took her to Becky and then Carrie got her the rest of the way to Corsicana. That was a mouthful. But back to Arcadia. As I mentioned before, I'd made the trip to Arcadia many times over the years so to me, this one was no different. Now, I love my brother Frank, but being on time was not his strong suit so when the plan was made for us to meet, I had the preconceived idea he was gonna be late. The place we'd always met was in the hotel parking lot and in order to enter the parking lot, we had to pass a gas station and then drive another 100 yards to the hotel. So when Mom and I arrived, I zipped right past the gas station and headed to the drop off place as I'd always done. And sure enough, Frank wasn't there. So I called him immediately, feeling VERY smug and as he answered the phone I asked huffily, "Where are you?" His dry response was, "I was sitting at the gas station watching you drive past. You know we don't HAVE to go to the hotel parking lot." ARGHHHHH!! WHATEVS. I was so intent on getting there first, I'd driven right past him. So he beat me. It wasn't a competition if I was gonna lose. So we met up, he harassed me about "winning," we stayed awhile to chat, did the Billie transfer and off we went on our separate ways. At the time, I had no idea it would be the last conversation I'd ever have with him. And if I had, I might have wanted to stay forever. In my mind's eye, I can still see him leaning against his car as we talked.

June 10th found Gran having to have a 3rd throat procedure and I know he was happy about that. One of these times he had this surgery he had been released to go home but a reaction to some medicine caused him to almost die. It was a very scary few minutes for Melanie and BJ as they sat by watching helplessly. As I said, Gran and medicine were not friends. But as for us in Monroe, we were still growing old at the ballpark with a total of 44 games played and since Lindsey and Whitney's names were in the mix of softball in 1998, I'm guessing it was the year when Whitney pitched a 53 minute 1st inning because she was having trouble finding the strike zone and the umpire was having trouble finding his glasses. It was as awful as it sounds and the real accomplishment of that game was Dale's head didn't explode.

On the 20th of June, Frank came to Monroe to bring Slade and Nina for Bible school that was scheduled for the 22nd to the 26th. And on the afternoon of the 20th, as I was leaving the Turner/Walker complex, we passed each other in the street and as we did, he gave me the longhorn sign jiggle the fingers wave as he went by. We didn't stop to talk. And so Bible school started and it was wild as ever. That year, I was the guide for Caitlin and Nina's class and we were together every day. And even though it was hot and it was Bible school, I'll never forget it. And so because I thought there would always be a next time, when Frank and Suzie came to pick up the kids and continue on their way to Massachusetts, I didn't go see them off. Sadly, some decisions can't be undecided.

In July 1998, a total of 6 trips were taken by people in our family to places like Dallas, Massachusetts, Minnesota, Corsicana and Macon Georgia. Only one changed our lives forever. Frank and Suzie and the kids left Monroe July 1st on their way to Massachusetts and after a good long trip, they were headed back to Monroe on July 17th. John talked to all of them at about 7:00 pm. And then about an hour later, just like that, Frank and Nina moved to heaven.

The days that followed were horribly dark with millions of tears cried. But with many prayers lifted for Suzie and Slade, they both improved enough from their injuries to come home. We gathered for visitation and funerals and it was all overwhelming and devastating. And as the adults struggled through the process in a fog, our little ones didn't understand what was happening. And after all the formalities of death had ended, life somehow had to move forward. And so throughout the rest of July, I found myself getting angry when I saw people laughing and enjoying life. How could this be? How could life go on? How could people not know our lives were destroyed? We were a family of shattered hearts. But sadly, tragedy happens every single day in the world. It had just never happened to us. And so as Suzie and Slade's bodies continued to heal, we all did our best to help each other make it one day at a time. Sometimes it was minute by minute. But because the world doesn't stop, there were jobs to go to. Birthdays were coming. School was coming. And even though we wanted to, we couldn't retreat from life. Somehow we were going to have to learn to live without them. And the only way we could do that was to trust God more than we ever had in our lives. And so, when July 1998 ended, no one was sorry to see it go.

August began and Melanie and Randy wrestled with the fact that they had planned their own family trip to Wyoming. They decided they would still go but a new fear had crept in. And all we could do was trust God and ask Him to hold the wolves of fear at bay for each of us. They had a safe trip and were even able to have a little memorable fun. That's the trip where Maggie coined the now famous line (even if it didn't make any sense) "No pictures for problems." Also in August Carrie came home and Suzie, Carmen and Slade came for a short visit. School started for the kids during the last 2 weeks of the month and before we could catch our breath, it was September.

Labor Day was a time for all of us to get together and try to have a fun birthday for Slade. And again, we did the best we could. On September 10th through the 12th, Dale and Lydia went to Corsicana. And even though school was in session, we all continued to try to go see Gran and Grandma as often as we could. We worried that losing Frank and Nina might be too much for the 2 of them. In all their many years, they'd never faced anything like this. It was so difficult for them to understand, with their failing bodies, why it couldn't have been them instead. Broken hearts knows no age limit. I'm not sure either of them ever got over their loss. And then near the end of September, Big Frank and Grandma went to Dallas for the wedding of one of Becky's close friends. And September turned into October.

October was filled with fall softball for Caitlin and flag football for the boys of PGCA and it was my family's turn to go to Corsicana from the 16th to the 19th. And sometime during the fall of 1998, Carrie's job ended and she moved to Shreveport to help Suzie and the kids. I think it was a noble and selfless act. And we were glad to have her nearer to home. And on the 23rd of October, once again, the 4 of them came to Monroe for visit. It was always better being together than apart.

On October 29th, at the courthouse in Shreveport, there was a memorial for attorneys that had passed away that year. Lots of us went in honor of Frank. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life. I remember walking through the halls thinking, Frank walked here. He stood over there. It was so gut wrenching to me that I don't think I ever spoke a word all day. It took all of my energy to hold myself together. It was tough. And when it was over the whole group of us went to eat at a favorite place of Frank's, Superior Grill. It was a place we'd gone with him many times. Every single worker in the place loved Frank. He was a kind and generous person. And so we toasted our brother and wished he'd been there to hear it.

Now my stomach has ALWAYS had a contentious relationship with Superior and this day it built to epic proportions, maybe because of all the tension I was holding in. I don't know. So we ate and then we began the trip to Monroe. It was an ill fated trip for Carrie and Whitney when it was decided I would ride with them in Carrie's car. Because just as we got EXACTLY to the middle of NOWHERE, things started percolating in my stomach. I'm gonna skip A LOT of details and just end this story with the news that not many people anywhere in the world have mooned as many as I did that night on I-20. There are 2 morals to that story...1 Gran was a wise man for always carrying a napkin in his pocket and 2...I'll NEVER eat at Superior again in my lifetime. And that's all I'm gonna say about that. And with my shame and horror, October ended.

When November began, so did basketball and there were games galore. There was also a baby boom happening at church and Melanie and I decorated for what felt like hundreds of parties. It was difficult attending these events and try to be nice to everyone when all we wanted to do was stay at home. But life was happening and we had to keep going. Mom, Melanie and I made a much needed girls' trip to Dallas and then Dale and Lydia went back to Corsicana from the 20th to the 24th. And because we couldn't stop it, the holidays were coming quickly and everyone began arriving for Thanksgiving on the 25th. There were lots of firsts in 1998 but I can't think of any that was fun. And so with Thanksgiving, came another family get together without Frank and Nina. Our only accomplishment that Thanksgiving was we made it to Friday the 26th.

In December basketball was in full swing and on December 6th we went to Shreveport for the day. Becky's Christmas party was the 12th, the church Christmas dinner was the 16th and before we knew it, Christmas was upon us. And no one was prepared. In years past, even when we didn't have much money to spend on Christmas, our family had lots of fun. But not this year. We did our best to make it fun for the kids but for the adults, no matter how much we tried, it was too heartbreaking. Even with a room full of people, the only glaring focus was on the 2 missing faces. And until 1998, there had never been a Christmas without Frank or Nina. Even with the comfort of knowing they were in heaven, missing them was unbearable. And then thankfully, Christmas was over and 1998 was coming to an end. And with God's guidance, we were slowly and painstakingly learning to carve out a life without them. It was all we could do.

1998 was over.

And I'll end with this.

The phrase "I wish" can't be found anywhere in the Bible and "if only" is just a wicked game the devil likes to make us play. I played for a time in 1998. We probably all did. But, at some point, if any of us wanted to stay sane, we had to stop and let it go. The only way we survived was by holding on to God as tightly as we could and asking Him to heal our hearts. And even though it seemed like it took forever, God did it. And it was a miracle. To lose as much as we did and have healed hearts is absolutely a miracle. He did it because He loves us more than we could ever imagine. The Bible DOES say He is near to the broken hearted and He comforts those who grieve. Our family knows that to be true. And now for the many years since Frank and Nina died, we remember them without tears. We remember them with joy. A day in a month in a year can no longer steal our joy. We remember the fun times we've shared together. We have the evidence to prove it in pictures and precious memories.

This isn't supposed to sound arrogant but there aren't many families like ours. There are so many hurting families in the world, so many hurting people. In spite of the loss of Frank and Nina, ours has been extra blessed.

WE HAVE HAD SO MUCH FUN.

It took years for hearts to heal. But trusting God to do the work was the only way to let it happen. It took patience. It took trust. It was never easy. But I can attest to the fact that He did it and did it well. He's the only one who can heal a broken heart.

We lost so much in 1998.

But God remained faithful in the midst of horrible tragedy.

I'm so glad we made it to the other side.