A Christmas edition of the p and b email

Originated by Whitney
3-22-07
Entitled something else but words have been changed to make it more family friendly Stockings and ornaments...warning PG13 e-mail

Stockings and ornaments. Stocking and ornaments
OK! Me and carlie just had to sit through a biology
class in mixed company and look at pictures of stockings
and ornaments and talk about it like it's nothing!!!
It's not nothing, it's something.
EXCUSE ME. Just because we are in college doesn't mean
that we have cashed in our gift Card!
It's inappropriate!
We were trying to act cool and not turn beet red, but
it took everything we could do. I looked at Carlie at
one point and said "how you doing?" she said "dying, i
am about to die."
I had sunglasses on my head...I wish I could have
pulled them down over my face and pretend I was
somewhere else...anywhere else.
And the pictures...the stocking was here and there and
pictures of ornaments. OMG.
He should have let all the girls go and then when we
talk about the gift card, let all the boys go and
make the girls listen. Still. INAPPROPRIATE.
That should not be taught in mixed company!
I come home and try to act normal...but beware, mine
eyes have seen the...stuff. Not the glory but stuff.
And you know what? I know we have to talk about the
gift cards next! I want to skip next week. All of
next week. How long do you think it will take to cover
that topic? Im wanna make sure he's done.
Oh. Sigh. Talk to ya'll later.

Carlie
HOLY CRAP! i'm laughing so hard. the gift card reference killed me.
it was AWFUL! i don't need to know that stuff. i don't need to know that the cinnamon stick goes into egg nog or how that whole thing happens. I DON'T NEED TO KNOW!

Whitney
carlie...my dad says that makes a red bra look pretty innocent.

Lisa
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I mean freaking hilarious. I had to teach that in lab when I was there. I nearly died. One of my friends that taught it was so nervous she called it jangle bells instead of jingle bells and then she said out loud jangle bells...that's not right..... man embarrassing.

Judy
I have typed a response to these emails three times.
And erased them.
I'm just speechless.

Carlie
i think i'm still red. also, i absolutely agree with d's assessment. red bra? ah, that's nothing i've seen some ornaments.....oh my lord jesus, help me.

Carlie
to add too whitney's already brilliant email...the guy was talking something about the cinnamon stick and how that whole thing works...you know. and he starts with, "studies show..." and i'm thinking," i don't want to know what the freaking studies show!!!! I just want to go home and be my little innocent self. please."
i don't know if everybody else was ok with this subject but i would take frequent looks around the students and they all had no expression. blank. i mean really. this is awkward, people.
also, the teacher had a straight face. the whole time.
how is that possible?
ugh, i need sleep.

Whitney
Oh my gosh! I just remembered the ornamental exam!!!
He told us you need to check your ornaments once a
month and you need to hold them softly and it would be
best when you got out of a warm shower.
TMI? yea me too

Judy
Whitney and Carlie, perhaps you two would rather email alone regarding this subject........

Lisa
I just.....I mean......it doesn't get any better than this.......I am still laughing

Stephanie
well while we're sort of on the topic. i just saw this online. it's the duggars! and it's true!!!
The caption under the picture of the mother of 300 kids said
It’s a gift card not a clown car

Carlie
hahahahahaha. fantastic. tonight's class however, was not

Lindsey
That's really really funny. Crack me up. And yes DEFINITELY TMI about the ornamental exam. Really? Why do you need to know about that? You will NEVER use it. NEVER. Also, still it doesn't beat Lisa saying the M word. That's right. Just said it. There was no warning. We weren't talking about anything related AT ALL. She just plain on friggin said it. I relive it over and over...
Carrie
OK I WANT IT DULY NOTED THAT JUDY IS leading the pack with 11 responses............
WHITNEY AND CARLIE ARE tied with 7
LISA has 6
CAITLIN 5
LINDSEY 4
SO NO MORE PICKING ON ME FOR RESPONSES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
Now Carlie and Whitney are ya'll SURE you were in Biology and not some OTHER class???????
UH OH Judy is up to 12!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OK NOW I HAVE TO CHANGE THE NUMBER FOR CARLIE AND LINDSEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
GOT to send this fast before I have to change the number AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Judy
Isn't it illegal to have this many children? Why doesn't this woman look 142 years old? Because she's on DRUGS!!!!!! This is why we tell you kids to STAY AWAY FROM DRUGS!!!!!!

Judy
HOWEVER!!!!
We all know that NOBODY has as much punctuation!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
as CARRIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Judy
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Whitney
I am going to never forget the moment i opened that
picture. That is one of the truest things I have ever
read.

Lindsey
Ok, forgot to address the picture. Seriously???? I would kill my mother if she made me be in that picture. That one boy is old enough to say NO!!!!!!! It's bad. So bad.

Carlie
another addition to this class period.
end of the class after we have been dragged through something that i truly believe has taken away some of my virtue the teacher asks, "Any questions?"
i mean, really? really?

Judy
This puts me up to like - what - 20 responses? But you can have it for the night. My shift is over, although I realize some of you are just beginning to wake up. My computer will probably be sagging in the morning from all the responses.

Whitney
where's melanie...i want to hear what she has to
say...its going to take her a while though to sort
through the Christmas decorations

Carrie
well Carlie and Whitney now know how you get this many children!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!and Whitney you don't have those so no need for the exam...and see I have to respond as I read otherwise I forget all the other stuff

Carrie
Melanie will catch this later.............. yes the wonderful world of punctuation!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Carrie
I now have 24 emails that say stockings and ornaments that in itself is sssooo very wrong..... and Carlie did you have questions....??????

Melanie
The tears are rolling down my face and Maggie is saying stop it because the laughter has made me lose my breath like when a kid falls and the cry won't come out that is me trying to laugh so hard I can't that is so funny I have no words

Carrie
I swear when I have a bad day all I have to do is open my emails........... all the cares are gone at least for a few...................

Lisa
That is honestly one of the funniest things I have ever read in my entire life....not a clown car. My mind files away really, really funny stuff and that goes in the vault. I mean that is brilliant. I wish I had said it.
It would be like sitting in sex ed class or what Whitney and Carlie call Thursday night......
And the m word Lindsey is referring to is mistletoe....there I said it and now I typed it.
And just for the record I may need to know about the ornament exam.......cause I got em........yes I do............

Carrie
And I need to get some ornaments as Pastor D says..... ooohhh this is going down hill fast..........!!!!!!!!!!!
I guess I could borrow Lisa's hahahahaha

Carrie
OK I HAVE TO READ MY BIBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!and writing the word Bible with this subject matter in the box is just WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Carlie
no it's the truth. boys have stockings and ornaments. lord knows, i've seen 'em

Lisa
If any of us need diagrams we know who to check with Carlie? Whitney? Funny stuff is just so very great

Carrie
would have paid good money to be in that class to see the red faces all over the room

Carrie
as I am trying to read and be spiritual I begin to giggle when I picture Whitney leaning over to Carlie to say are you doin ok and Carlie's response I am dying................

Carlie
you don't even know how true those words were.

Emma
oh my GOSH!!! this is the worst experience of my life... i don't want to know this stuff!!!! Good God!! i just dont even know!!!! it is acceptable to use this many exclamations because OH MY GOSH!!!! this is really really really gross

Carrie
well sounds like next weeks subject box will be gift cards................

Caitlin
The Duggars is THE best thing I have ever seen, How true they need to see that. Otherwise I don't even know what to say.... I'm speechless.

Judy
If you think all this is bad, Emma, you better avoid next week’s gift card email. You're talking about a bunch of crazy women who have personal knowledge of the serious grossness of the subject.
And I want to know who dropped Jared off this list? Or did he beg?

Whitney
Thank you God. I prayed fervently last night that I
would not dream of anything vulgar.
I didn't and in fact had a nice rest.
Whew. I can face the world

Melanie
I know she looks like one of the children but remember as soon as she has one on the ground she passes it off to one of the oldest ones to care for if I had that maybe I would look better no probably not but anyway it ain't fittin

Whitney
I heard nothing from olivia...either she has 1,000
emails or...

Maggie
That is wrong. just wrong.

Maggie
Hello Whitney

Whitney
hello maggie, whats up

Lisa
Olivia said she read it but I think it left her pretty speechless. Maybe you will hear from her yet. For me on the other hand.......it's been one of the highlights of my life. Don't care one bit if that seems sad. I absolutely love to laugh........laugh long and loud and I did just that. In fact I still chuckle when it comes to mind. I just surely wish Gran were still here so he could enjoy it as well. He would have laughed at yal for...........well.......ever

Carlie
he probably did. he probably did.

Carlie came up with the brilliant suggestion of stockings and ornaments.
We collaborated on the others.....