Men's Olympic skating

After watching the men's skating during the Olympics, I'm completely certain I could help each and every one of them. First of all it seems that some of them are trying so hard to not look or seem gay that they're skating in business casual outfits. That's just awkward. I mean it's not like they just got home from the office and then jumped right out onto the ice........BUT the other option, the unitard, sometimes with feathers and sequins, is even more wrong. I don't care how gay you are, that's not a good look for any man. And the Russian wore a unitard that had a built in tie made out of sequins. I just can't say enough about how bad all of these choices are. I know I could help them make better clothing decisions. They just need to call me. I'm thinking maybe turtle necks in pretty colors. But first we must burn all the unitards.

Now onto their music choices. Some songs are just too "frilly" for boys but at the same time when they try to go macho that doesn't work either. We are parsing a very fine line with the music choices and I know I could pick the right song for each one of them. And this "interpreting" the song like the orphans in Sarajevo and stuff like that is extremely melodramatic and just plain wrong. I would pick the song for them to try to be graceful in a manly way and then just get the heck off the ice. I can see a brilliant career ahead of me. I could be called the "Ice Skating Whisperer" or some such ingenious title. So, to any Olympians that may ever run across this post, CALL ME. I will change your life.

And on a side note but still related, although I do like Scott Hamilton, he needs to control his emotions when announcing. It's like he is out there skating it with them. YOU ARE NOT. Stop gasping and making noises like you have major gas. It's disturbing.

I've done all I can do.