The stinky email

Everyone knows the ongoing saga of the stink that occurred at my house back in the summer of 2007 but; the story of the old man took place during the middle of that whole thing so that's why it's in the middle of the stink story. If anyone recalls, the stink took days and days to play itself out. And because the email records don't lie, while I was in the middle of the stinkage, apparently, Carlie, bless her heart, was sunning herself by the seaside. And even after almost 3 years, it still doesn't bless me. If you remember, in the previously posted email entitled Whitney's patriotism, , Carlie was referring to the beach trip when she was talking of putting "some fluids" whatever those fluids may have been in her car and then she referred to all of us as suckers before she was proceeding to head out of town with no real remorse or care for the stinkage at my house or for any of us that were unable to attend the beach getaway she found herself invited to. And the strong rebuke I have for all of that is spoken with attitude, "WHATEVER" Carlie. And poor stupid us we rejoiced with 1000 angels when we found one dead opossum not knowing that the one was so not the end of it all. And it's been quite awhile since we have checked for "breaches" around the house so can you now hear me yelling for "JOHN!!!!"

7-23-07
Originated by Lisa
LIFE JUST KEEPS GETTING BETTER AND BETTER

Lisa
When I got home from Dallas last week, my family quite enthusiastically informed me that they heard scratching noises in the attic while I was gone. I promptly said, "What the H?'' Rodents are not cute..........shut up Whitney.......the next day I went into overdrive making sure there were no entrances in the utility room. John KNEW of a possible 'breach' (air quotes) outside and yet had not done anything to prevent it. What the crap! When I hear rat noises it's time for SWAT, Navy SEALS.......I'm talking DRASTIC measures.....DEF CON 5. SWARM SWARM SWARM......

I have cleaned stuff I have not seen in years, all possible holes closed up, rat poison out........one rat scratch equals buying enough poison for 150 rats. No noises, no signs, no rats......... Yesterday it started stinking..........in my kitchen. Checked under the sink, pulled out the refrigerator........mopped.....it was disgusting.........I have cleaned and cleaned......still stinks. ****. I KNOW it's dead in my attic. John makes this next statement like how absurd you are being Lisa......and as if I WON"T beat the h out of him.....says, "Well we will have to empty the entire attic and have a company come pull ALL the insulation out so we can look for it”.......stupid, stupid, stupid. Dead rotting animal in the attic means husband sleeping in the yard. After some time and mean looks from me.....shocker he will come home tomorrow after work with a plan. You bet your butt he will. Willie has fallen down on the freaking job. John and he may BOTH be eating cat food by the end of the week...........

Carrie
HAHAHAHAHAHAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!HAHHAHAAHAHHAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have a vision of John pushing Willie out of the way for food and sleeping in the yard.... John can sleep anywhere!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Melanie
Oh JimmyJohn that is not funny but it is Yes do whatever it takes to stop or get the rodents off the property I am wich ya girl

Carrie
If Whitney wants to SAVE the little monsters then have her come over and catch them and take them to her house......love you Whitty!!!!

Lisa
amen to the little monsters.........

Whitney
Services for the little mouse will be held at Lisa's house at 3:30 p.m. today

Emma
no the rats can go straight to h because i hate them.. it is awful

Lisa
The smell in my house is so bad I have no words. If I find the dead little **** I will burn it....there's your service........

7-24-07
the stink has been found
Originated by Lisa

Lisa
DEAD BABY POSSUM............SHUT UP WHITNEY..........IN THE ATTIC.......****........ALREADY SMELLS BETTER.........BUT THINK ABOUT WHAT A DEAD POSSUM SMELLS LIKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD THEN PUT THAT IN YOUR HOUSE.......UMM YUMMY..........AND YET **** AGAIN...... STUPID STUPID STUPID ANIMAL

Lindsey
so gross

7-24-07
Now the flip side of John

Lisa
Tonight we went to Wal Mart for groceries......hate it, hate it, hate it. Had a decent list took a while, was exhausted when we finished. BUT! Wal Mart has gone up another 27 cents on milk and I knew it was on sale at Brookshires so I said we can run by and get it there. John said yeah he would run in. As we are turning off of 19th we saw a little man on his motorized scooter sitting there in the dark (literally picture Gran). As I passed I said out loud, "oh my gosh." John said, "Do you want to stop?" (As I have been burned big time helping people in the past.....crazy lady in my car....I have been much more cautious). I said, "Lets go get the milk and then see if he is still here." (I thought just maybe he was sitting at the stop sign since it was dark waiting for traffic to be completely clear). Go get the milk....go back......he is still sitting in the same place. John sticks his head out the window and says, "Do you need some help." He had gone to the store and his scooter had died on his way home. He was sitting there in the dark waiting for it to charge. He said I live just down there (about 200 yards down the street). So John said I'll just push you home if you want me to. He pushed him across 19th.....the man said oh I can try to make it from here. John said I'll just push you there I don't mind. So he did. Sweating profusely. The little old man was very sweet. I know why I refused to buy the milk at Wal Mart......I know why I knew the milk was on sale at Brookshires. I know why I chose the Brookshires on 18th. The little old man ate my lunch.....cried the whole way home............

Carrie
Well you just made me cry....doesn't take much these days....and yes we know why you married him....:)

Carlie
john is a great catch. so are you, my dear. i think everyone is emotional this month. another reason as to why july sucks.

Carrie
AMEN to the July sucking....and thank you for the "great catch" statement.. you made me cry again...WE ARE ALL GREAT CATCHES.... WE ARE ALL FANTABULOUS... REALLY I MEAN IT... WE ARE WONDERFULLY BEAUTIFUL WOMAN... LOVE YOU ALL!!!!

Carrie
I wasn't quite sure who the great catch statement was actually for... Lisa or Me but I claimed it too......:)

Whitney
GROUP HUG!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Becky
THEY are ALL RODENTS and yes, one in the house is good reason to call the SWAT team and to send the hubby outside for not being CERTAIN that all entry points were eliminated!! As far as I'm concerned - they need to think like a rodent and seek out all possible entries. How in the H did a baby opossum get in the attic - and where is the momma?? I think I am glad it was not a rat!!
LOVED THE WALMART STORY - y'all were his angels!!
And yes, July is sucky except for some pretty wonderful BIRTHDAYS!!
Love you all.

Melanie
Yes the Wal Mart made me cry and the group hug made me laugh and the dead possum made me sick

Carrie
Well Melanie had all the emotions covered!!!... and oh my yes I wonder also where is Momma???? glad the dead smell is out of the house.....

Lisa
Yes there are some very excellent birthdays in July......second only to April.....right Lin? We have had opossums in our yard for months off and on. We see them walking around but the one we saw was big so it was not the one in the attic. We were also glad it wasn't a rat. John said he thinks it came in through a small hole by the pipe that comes in the house for the air conditioner. I'm telling you it was God's grace that he was near the stairs and John was able to find it fairly quickly. My first thought was that someone had spilled some milk and cleaned it up with a towel.....in the past that has been some of the foulest odor I have ever smelled. So I washed every cloth in the house that was dirty. Then I thought it was under the refrig.....so I cleaned under there. Mopped all floors. At least my house is fairly clean and Willie is off the **** list.
Rosie was so confused. She could smell something stinky......just wanted to roll in it. Caitlin said this afternoon......."Rosie is thinking they are bringing stinky stuff IN the house to roll in? It's freaking Christmas!!" Except for the fact she could not get to it. Thank God the smell is dissipating and so for now the saga is over and I know there are no varmits in my house and they cannot get in! ttfn.....ta ta for now

Carrie
Poor Rosarita... alls she wanted was some pooop to roll in and feel gggoooooddddd....... glad the smell is hittin the highway....

Carrie
Keep forgettin to comment on the bday's..... well DECEMBER has JESUS' Birthday so I win!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! its the bestest of ALL

Carlie
i just sneezed and i promise you when i say....it sounded like a horn.
i blame caitlin on this sickness. you started it.

Carrie
hahahaha honk honk......

Lisa
ha ha ha that's freakin hilarious

My aninmal stories are not warm and fuzzy
7-25-07
Originated by Lisa

Lisa
Even as stressful as your animal stories are Judy, mine are worse. Do you have any idea how bad a dead opossum smells like on the side of the road? It's bad really really bad. Do you know what 2 dead opossums smell like in your attic in Louisiana in July? Attic/road kill. BEFORE we knew what and when and how, people would walk in my house and immediately screw up there face and say what the heck? Then as John began looking for whatever it was, the smell was UNBEARABLE! Unbefreaking! So yesterday John found one dead opossum at the top of the stairs in the attic............until..........today, Olivia/birddog said, "It stinks in your bedroom," and I said vehemently, "Don't even say it Olivia!!"
She said, "I'm just saying."

Called John who has been working in the paper mill all week (temps around 110 to 120) and he was excited about crawling the whole way to our bedroom in the hot attic on his knees after he had been working since 7:00 am. Olivia "the nose" Herrock smelled it just right. Dead opossum right above John's dresser. Since he has come down, cooled down, calmed down, and showered he has damned all opossums to hell...........shut up Whitney...............I am in total agreement. And NO MORE dead opossums are in my attic.
Geez I mean I'm talking dead opossums in my attic.........that's just something I should never have to say. We are gonna have to change our names to things like Jethro, and Bertha and go buy overalls and hay to chew on cause we are living freaking country style. COME ON!

Lindsey
sure makes a great story. coming from someone who avoided your house like the plague as to not smell the awfulness

Lisa
whew that was close I'm soooo glad the 2 of yal didn't have to suffer......that was at the top of my concern list

Judy
Your animal story was much more entertaining, Bertha, but if I'M going to have an animal story, I really do prefer mine, especially since so far the animals are still alive except for the rat, and I found him after the fact. The duck did in fact poop a lot, though. Does that count?

Lisa
Unless the pooh has giant economy sized smell that accompanies it then no it does not count. I mean the smell......oh oh oh the smell

Olivia
You said no more dead opossums were in our attic. If only it was true.

Carlie
thats just freakin' insane. did she birth them up there? jeez.

Lisa
I cannot take it. 3 and counting.......they can have 6 to 9 babies..........I just can't..........I'm sending another email it will have cussing in it..........this is the clean version........delete if you don't want to hear the cussing

Lisa
Yal are so easy.........

Lisa
I realize there are multiple emails about this but I forgot the most important thing that has come out of all of this is.......who knew Olivia's nose is freaking genius! She has sniffed em all even before they got juicy........ummm delicious. If Olivia tells you something about smells.....she is like E.F. Hutton......listen

Whitney
I am not going to say a word in defense of the
opossums. Silence.(I mean I am still very sad at the
obvious massacre, but I think I would be gang banged
if I defended them.)
Carlie, don't YOU love the USA?
Have fun and be careful a the beach. Don't forget to
wear sunscreen. And watch for jellyfish and sharks.
And watch for hot guys...bring me home one if you can.
Night Everyone.
P.S. Becky, how do you spell massacre?

Carlie
yes. i love the USA. with a passion. i just found yours or anyone's very random.
thanks for the warning. now, i'm scared. i forgot about the sharks.
i'll try my hardest to bring a hottie home for ya. but only if i don't want him first. muaha.

Lisa
Well I am not without some compassion towards the opossums. I mean we are not murderers of small dumb creatures.......we are however stupid. Note to self.........when you close up the entrance that you feel like they are using to get into the attic, there will be death, mayhem, confusion, but the most important thing you will have is a huge Everest size stink.........may they all be reunited with their opossum ancestors in that great......wait a minute.........I DO NOT WANT THEM IN MY MANSION! I do want a sign in my mansion yard that says no opossums allowed. They can birth 6 to 25 babies from January to July. God have mercy on us. Oh the opossum-manity

Carrie
It is all too funny for words

Carlie
so i'm here. the water is frickin' insane. it really looks like the pool. clearer than lindsey's pool (no offense, lin).
addison is about the cutest little girl ever. she's so freakin' adorable and SUCH a little girl. she has her purse, cell phone. girl's ready to take on the world.
william slapped me today. he's a bit more difficult. he's a boy. 'nuff said. but julian was never like this but all kids are different.
photo booth? best babysitter. EVER.

Lisa
Glad to know you are there safely and I would love to be there with the water.......another day I guess

Caitlin
They are so freaking adorable!

Mollie
oh my goodness...the kids are so stinkin cute. i hope next summer we can all do the beach together. maybe by then our houses will be covered in money wall paper because the bank refuses to keep up with the oodles and oodles of cash that seems to flow out of our eyeballs...so we have to keep up with all the money ourselves. what a wonderful problem.

Lisa
wonderful wonderful problem

Lisa
Unbefreaking

Carlie
i never realized what terrors/julian/ boys were. I bathed addison today, hung out with her very CALMLY, put her to bed...no fuss whatsoever. it was incredible. i was gabsmacked to think of the way i bathe julian. different as night and day.
girls freakin' rock.

Carlie
some boy/girl comparisons i've now noticed.
WHEN IN BATH boy- bursts into tears when some water gets in eyes / girl- picks up the cup and pours it over her. again.
PLAY TIME = boy - wants to go around and play with trains, cars, dump trucks while destroying everything in his bath / girl - wants to put on some music and dance with the babysitter
LOW MAINTENANCE OR HIGH MAINTENANCE? = boy - wants to be around babysitter, wants babysitter's attention at ALL TIMES / girl - is cool with looking out the window by herself for a bit, sit in a rocking chair, play with her dolls
boy - does not respond to "I love you, Julian." / girl - when told "I love you." then responds in the cutest voice ever, "I love you too"
this is what I've come away with. However, I love me some boys, too. Girls are just way easier.
WE ROCK!!

Melanie
Glad the water is pretty and remember your mother asked you to call her from time to time to let me know you are ok

Melanie
clear enough to see sharks coming if there are any I'm just saying

Carlie
oh yea, i forgot to call you back.
i'm ok!

Melanie
remember all are different there are some girls that wouldn't do all those things but are still cool

Olivia
whoa you just said something right after I finished reading. weird.

Carrie
Oh my sweet Lord how beautiful..... wish I was there...... right now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I want the water and sand between the toes.....................

Carrie
YES WE DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!