BORED OUT OF MY SKULL

It's Saturday and I'm on the couch. The couch's like an island surrounded by shark infested waters. This could become a problem when it's time to go to the bathroom, therefore I'm carefully monitoring my fluid intake. I've browsed the computer for so long and watched so much TV I'm having trouble focusing. I hate the movie, My Best Friend's Wedding. Blazing Saddles from 50 years ago is on, but it was made so long ago I can't believe the racial slurs in it that they try to bleep. Can't watch that. The only other thing to watch would be exercise shows. Who needs that? I could become entranced by the movie D3: The Mighty Ducks but it's on a "have to pay for it channel." How elitist. I shant do it.

Addy must have a bath so that will be the highlight of my day. Not so much participating, but making sure it gets done. This is what she will look like when she is getting her bath. Angry, resentful and full of unbelief this terrible thing is happening to her again.


I could dust my bedroom. The last time it saw a rag + Endust = approximately 3 months ago. Why bother? The dust keeps coming back, and since at the moment, it's settled, why get it all stirred up? Occasionally, as I'm about to get in bed at night, I blow on the top of the TV as well as the screen so I can watch something as I drift off to sleep. So far that's good enough.

I really think what's missing in my life is a yacht with cooling misting waters to spray me as I cruise down the river. And because of this scathingly brilliant idea, I'll now go yacht shopping on the Internet. I expect to have it picked and delivered by tomorrow so I can be cruising by 4:00.

Goodbye peasants.