The last few days

This week, after looking in the mirror, I had another instance of the occasional recurrence of square hair. Bad hair day was on the horizon.

Last Friday as I was picking Owen up from school, there was a real, screaming at each other but not throwing punches fight, occurring in the exact vicinity of where he was walking. We both had the big eye as he made his way to the car and I hoped no firearms would make an appearance. Fortunately it went no farther than yelling.

Sunday evening we went on our weekly car ride. As I said in the past, the Sunday ride participants vary wildly from week to week. This week's peeps included myself, Melanie, Lydia and Grandma. We rode a bit, got some refreshments, Lydia went into an ice cream shop in her jammies. And I'm not kidding. We'd been riding a while when we remembered we wanted to check out a mega huge you've got to be kidding this is so big, house being built in a subdivision nearby. When we drove into the subdivision, we saw Dale and Whitney walking with multi dogs and went to say hey. Bad decision. Many bad decisions were about to be made. My hello was greeted by Dale wiping sweat on me. Lovely. We assumed they were finishing their walk and were leaving, so we then made our way to the mega house. Lydia, Melanie and I went into the house to look around leaving Grandma to guard the car....bad decision number two. She has NO karate moves for defending anything. Bad decisions three and four were: I left the keys in the car and none of us had cell phones. Of all the bad decisions made, leaving the keys in the car was the worst. You'll read why in a sec. For about 15 minutes we walked through the house. It's HUGE. I'm talking HUGE, and while we were on the second floor, Melanie noticed my car driving off down the street.

Strap yourselves in cause here we go.

Dale and Whitney WERE NOT finishing their walk and therefore WERE NOT on their way out of the subdivision. It was not the case. It was just not the case at all. As we watched my car drive away, it was obvious what was in play. Dale and Whitney had only been making a circle and when he came back around, he got in my car and found my keys. This caused his ridiculous brain to snap and kidnap Billie and proceed to go on an adventure ride. If an adventure ride means to get in my car and drive it as far from us while staying in the subdivision as he could.

Now Billie has no cell phone skills. All she knows to do is "mash a button" on a cell phone but she doesn't check to see what button she's mashing. So she's completely unable to call 911 or the "get my car back from Dale" agency. As the three of us made our way back down stairs, we knew not to be in a hurry. We walked outside and had a seat on a nearby stack of lumber and waited. It was getting pretty dark by now and he was about 18 miles...or some blocks away from us...but we could still see the car. Now the only thing working in our favor was Dale's short attention span and the odds that he was gonna get tired of sitting still sooner than later. Sure enough in a few minutes we watched as the car began to move in our direction...ever so slowly. Eventually he stopped in the middle of the street about 100 yards away. And all of us sat. Neither party willing to budge. We knew any sudden movement from the three of us would cause him to bolt like a crazy wild animal and run farther from us.

Now as we waited, two cars came into the subdivision and into the direction of my car. When they got to my car, each had to off road it to get around. Ridiculous. And so as we sat on the lumber seat, not one but BOTH cars pulled up in front of the mega house. That's right, we were sitting on their lumber, in their yard, and Lydia was in her jammies. Two couples got out of the cars. I'm sure they were curious about the hillbillies, one in her jammies, in their front yard. Never one to be shy, even in her jammies, Lydia asked if the house belonged to them. They replied yes. Then Melanie jumped in and tried to explain what was happening, how our brother had swiped the car and we were waiting for a flinch. They laughed nervously. I said nothing. After Melanie explained our predicament, one of the men said, "We wondered why someone would park in the middle of the street." She tried to further explain that our idiot brother was in the car with our mom and then he said, "There's no one in the driver's seat." We said, "Umm what?" Again he said, "I'm sayin there's no one in the driver's seat." (Insert cuss here.) So we immediately trekked down the street to the car, and did in fact find Billie sitting in the dark, alone, still not having mashed any cell phone buttons. In just another second, Dale drove up in his own truck to finish off the prank. And none of us ever saw him get out of my car.

The moral to the story. NEVER leave your keys unattended if he's in the country of USA. Even still, hide them if he's anywhere in the world.

Which brings us to last night and me deciding to run to Belk to look for a $5 fall purse, (there were none in case you are wondering.) My girls decided to tag along. I ran by Bed Bath and Beyond first and then as we were passing Dillard's, Emma asked, "Aren't you going to Belk's?" To which I replied, "Do you mean the Belk's that is Dillard's or the Belk's that is Belk's?" She then said, "I mean the Belk's that is Kohl's." And then I said, "I'm going to the Belk's that is Belk's." Did you get all that?

Today that is now yesterday since I started this post. Nothing interesting happened at all besides gearing up to go out of town for the weekend. It is very much time for a vacay, even if it's a short one.

Unless something really funny or awesome happens tomorrow, I'll be blogging on the other side of the holiday.

Which means, I'll see ya next week.