It's almost 2:00am and Owen begins his sophomore year in high school in just a few hours. I can't believe he's ready for year number 2 of high school. And as hard as it is to face, no matter what the temperature is outside, summer's over. And I don't feel as if I had a summer. John's and my roles were completely reversed with him being home and me working these last couple of months. And with me and my girls all working, we didn't have a chance to travel anywhere. It was definitely a summer like we've never had before. At this moment, I'm all discombobulated. And with my correct spelling of the word discombobulated, it's made me realize I can successfully spell discombobulated and yet the words definitely and completely elude me almost every time. Sigh...
I start my new job on Wednesday. New horizons are near. Not sure how I feel about it. But there's nothing I can do to change it even if I wanted to. Blogging's been difficult for me lately because I really don't care to share my feelings with anyone, and because of that, I find writing extremely painful and difficult. At this moment in time, my feelings are my own and can't be shared. I can't explain it any better than that. I'm in a place of what feels like nothingness and it's not much fun. I don't really want to quit blogging but I'm not sure where to go next with it. I may have to take a break from it and see what lies ahead. I'm not sure. I do know that anytime someone tells me of a new idea or project (and most of them don't even involve me) in my head, my initial reaction is an immediate no. And with that revelation, I know I'm one of the most negative people I've ever met. I don't want to be that person. But it seems I am at the moment. Hope it changes.
I'll finish with this thought. Today at church as I was sitting there listening to the sermon, this thought came to me, my salvation and redemption are between me and Jesus and not another soul on this earth. That's true for everyone. I need people in my life to learn from and get help from, but Jesus and me are the only ones walking the steps of my life. And so it seems I need to get back to the basics of doing just that. Things and people can crowd Jesus out until he's so far out on my periphery, he's a tiny speck in my vision. And I've felt for a long time now that life's been unfair to me personally. And then I remembered someone that I love dearly that's had many issues for years and never complained about them at all. And I knew instantly when comparing myself to that person, I felt pretty stupid feeling sorry for myself. But even so it doesn't make feeling sorry go away. Figuring out how to be satisfied with who and where I am may be the biggest current battle of my life.
So here's to finding satisfaction.
No matter what it will look like.
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