Papa has a rolling stone...

Last week was a week like no other, and I hope I never have one like it again. I know John feels even more strongly about that than I do. A week ago Saturday began like every other Saturday in the world. Pancakes had to be cooked or Owen couldn't function...Saturday morning turned into Saturday afternoon and John went to the Toxicology crawfish boil at ULM. When he got home, he'd eaten many crawfish and I was glad I hadn't. The evening was uneventful and then it was bedtime and when I woke up Sunday morning, I found that John had had a terrible night with little sleep and much pain. His immediate diagnosis of himself was he'd eaten a bad crawfish, but the pain was in his back, which didn't make sense if he had food poisoning. So, he stayed home from church looking for a way to relieve his pain, and I went to church to pray for his eternal soul. As the hours of Sunday ticked away, his situation didn't improve.

There are specific parts of this story left out to protect John's privacy as well as not make people sick, so I'll just say that early Monday morning he got some relief and felt good enough to go to work. But by Monday night he was feeling terrible again with severe pain in his back. We both knew we were way past food poisoning, but the things it might have been seemed scary. I'll just say the word obstruction is never good when using it in reference to your own body.

By Tuesday he felt so bad he could barely function with the pain rising up in him regularly and as it came, his face would turn red and he tried to hang on til it passed. He'd made a doctor's appointment for Wednesday, but when I got home at 5:00 Tuesday, he was walking the back yard, holding his back and in excruciating pain. He said he didn't think it was possible for him to wait til the next day to make it to the doctor's appointment. The pain was unbearable and in an instant, we made the dreaded decision to go to the emergency room.

I told the kids, and the two of us left for the hospital and while on our way, I called my prayer people. This was only the second trip to the emergency room in 26 years of marriage, and I was pretty nervous. As I was talking to Dale on the way to the hospital, I noticed the time was 5:15, and shortly after we walked into the ER. In my opinion, which I hold very dear, the ER is not a good place to find yourself when you're sick, and this night seemed to give much credence to that argument. As the two of us sat there together, he tried to keep from screaming out in pain as we waited with other people and their ailments. There was a young softball player with an arm injury, she later left with a cast, there were screaming babies, and one moaning guy sitting nearby. If we'd been thinking clearly, we'd have come in hazmat suits because that place was like one huge petri dish full of germs looking for people to jump on. After about 45 minutes we were put into a "fast track" room. Sidebar:a fast track room is something hospital big wigs sit around and brain storm about rather than trying to fix any of the real problems that make ER's move slower than any entity on earth. It's a term meant to fool patients into thinking they will move through the system quickly. That is one big fat lie. But if they mean by fast track that you actually wait quicker, then they nailed it. Now, as a rule in life, I start out not being good at waiting at anything, so putting me in a place where time actually stands still is just not good for my attitude. Also, before I get lots of, "oh we know you don't like to wait comments," tell me just one person that anyone knows that says, "I have to wait 6 hours?" AWESOME!!

Well, as we sat there waiting quickly, the nurse who brought us to the room informed us the physician's assistant, Mary Kate, would be in soon. As she closed the door behind her, I became frightened. Mary Kate!? Hello!? Where were the grownups? Was that a joke they tell people when they put them in the fast track room? How could they let a 4 year old treat patients? Well, because John WAS NOT in a talkative mood, I couldn't discuss this development with him, AND he seemed completely unaffected by the fact he was about to be treated by an Olsen twin. Finally Mary Kate, who was as adorable as her name, came to discuss John's symptoms and to order an x-ray. I was completely disturbed by the fact she was probably in kindergarten when we got married, but she talked with big words and seemed kind and efficient.

By this time, Emma, Dale, Lydia, Mollie and Melanie were in the waiting room. I later found out the females in the group were "triaging" people as they walked into the ER, assessing people's diseases and illnesses. While the ladies were working their "nursing skills," Dale came into the fast track room with John and I, and as the nurse was leaving he said to her, "I'm gonna pray for him then I'll get out of your way." As she was closing the door, she said, "Pray for me too!" So he did and as the three of us were in the room together, John was overwhelmed with pain and it was scaring the crap out of me. I had no idea what was wrong and was unable to think clearly at all. Well, as Dale and I stood there helplessly watching John grab his back writhing in pain, Dale mouthed to me, "kidney stone" and immediately I could feel my fear go away. I knew he was right. And even though it didn't help John's pain at all, I felt a peace come over me and I was able to breath. At least another hour had passed after they took the x-ray when they came to take him for a cat scan. If only they'd asked Dale. Then much later...remember fast track....Mary Kate put down her punch pack, took off her bib and confirmed what Dale had already told me, indeed John had a kidney stone.

After the diagnosis, but not soon enough, the nurse gave John some pain meds that barely took the edge off, and the night wore on and we waited. By now it was after 9:00 and Melanie had taken over for Dale, and the two of us watched John and waited for the final decision as to what was going to happen. Finally a real grown up doctor came in and reconfirmed that John had a 3 mm stone that would eventually pass on it's own and gave him some major real life pain meds which caused John to drift off into la la land in mid sentence. As he slept and we were getting punchy, Melanie discovered this odd machine in the hall just outside his room that had a bank teller tube in it. However, there was a homemade sign that said never were you to put poop or pee in the bank teller tube. Hospitals are the strangest places on earth, and yes, I would agree, it's NEVER a good idea to put poop or pee in a tube and send it off to parts unknown.

By this time it was 10:15 (we'd been there 5 hours) and I was getting punchier and somewhat peeved after we'd waited an hour for an IV and just about the time I told Melanie I was about to go all "Big Frank" on someone's *** we got the doctor's attention (not Mary Kate's because it was past her bedtime) and blah blah blah after more waiting and an IV and 7 1/2 hours on the fast track, we were released to go home with pain med prescriptions.

Now it's almost a week later and thank God John's pain has subsided tremendously, although the stone hasn't presented itself. So he's basically a science experiment in waiting. He still has occasional pain that's not as bad as it was last week and he's formulating a plan to never have this happen again and in the meantime, Dale's getting his papers ready to enter med school in the fall. OK, that's not really true, but he did diagnose the problem much earlier than any medical professional. I NEVER thought about a kidney stone EVER. Never ever.

But all kidding aside, it was truly a scary experience to watch all this happening and to see John in so much pain. I'm glad my hubby's home with me and not in a hospital bed somewhere unsure of what happens next.

And one last thing, isn't it amazing that something so small can be in your body and your body is all like, "Woah! This thing must exit the building NOW!" It's just amazing to me how God put all the stuff in a pot and out came all these body functions and when one small thing gets out of kilter, an all stop bulletin goes out to all the other body parts. It amazes me indeed.

Here's praying for a good and unpainful ending to this story....hoping and hoping and hoping....

I'll keep you posted.