If it's Father's Day, there must be a gift to buy

Father's Day Eve has been such an unforgettable day that I felt the need to share with everyone. It's been filled with togetherness and happiness and team work. And not an ounce of sarcasm. It began with an attempt at home improvement with today's agenda being the crown molding install in the hall and bathroom attempted by the father of the household. Every piece had already been pre-cut by John and painted by me yesterday. Easy peasy. Just nail it in place. Not so fast. Each piece fit properly separately, but when the puzzle pieces began to take shape, nothing fit together. It seems the saw John was using wasn't cutting the angles correctly. As well as cutting crown molding is way different than cutting other things. Something about cutting it backwards and upside down? I don't know.  

After a phone call to Jared, John procured the correct cutting tool. BUT. All the pre-cut pieces had to be recut. We actually bought three 16 foot pieces of molding with very little to spare. (We will need 100 more to finish the job.) After he had the correct saw, and after he remeasured and recut and after he'd snapped at me, he discovered what I knew secretly but didn't speak out loud. All the recut pieces were now too short. Back to the drawing board. After more cutting and more measuring and more muttering under his breath, there were no successfully cut pieces of molding nailed in place. It's been a cluster to say the least. The more we know, the more it's understood that crown molding install is a little jerk. John rarely gets stumped. But he did today.  

While he was working on the molding, the kids and I had to secure a Father's Day gift for the carpenter in the family. It seems like only yesterday John told me what he wanted for Father's Day. And because it really WAS yesterday, it was off to Home Depot on the Saturday before Father's Day to purchase the grill he wanted.

 OMG. 

The inception of the trip to the depot began at about 3:00. The traffic was fab and parking was easy and we got a million dollar gift card when we walked in the place. Or not. We found the grill all put together and not in a box. It was then I realized we'd not come in John's truck and would be unable to get the grill home. In my defense, I didn't think there would be a grill ready and waiting for our purchase. I thought we'd find a box, find a Home Depot person to tell us there was no way we could have one put together today, and then I'd have to come back and pick the thing up. But there were whole grills everywhere, in anticipation of Father's Day no doubt. So we got other stuff we needed, including a right angle device to help John with the cutting of the crown molding. (Spoiler alert: it didn't).

After a brief discussion between Owen and I about our predicament, Owen texted his friend Tosten and asked if he could come get him and the grill in his truck. We decided I'd set out for home before the answer came, because if Tosten said no, I'd have to come back in the truck to get the grill and the boy. 

En route I got this text.... 

I was about to turn into our driveway when Owen texted me again...

So happily, I got the truck keys, headed BACK to the depot laughing out loud at the thought of Owen trudging through the streets of town towards our house with John's new grill in tow. After fighting traffic a second time I was back at the store, Owen and a depot employee put the grill in the truck, unsecured I might add, and it was when they lifted it into the truck that I saw a dent in the thing under a domaflachy part of the grill. I quickly decided to ignore it and off we went.

As the two of us were riding in the cab we were discussing tumping and the fact the grill wasn't secured and there were two railroad tracks to cross over and blah blah blah. After one turn and one railroad track, I pulled over, Owen got in the back to hold the grill steady and we continued on our way. We had gone about two miles when I turned a corner and saw a policeman parked in a lot as we passed, Owen ducked to prevent being discovered. Unfortunately his hands were still in plain view because he wasn't letting go of the grill.

You know, I think there has to be times when policemen see something strange and think, "I'm gonna turn and look the other way and pretend I didn't even see that." Because we continued, unhindered, on our ridiculous way. 

When we got to the college campus, I ducked down a side street when I saw a campus police car and determined I wasn't gonna try to get by him. I'm convinced campus police have no sense of humor at all. 

It was then I took these two pictures. 

The second one was taken just as he was saying, "Are ya kiddin with the pictures?" 

You'd think this story was over by now, but no.

As we were nearing the traffic circle near our house, a trifecta occurred. Owen took his grip off the grill to read a text from Tosten telling him he was on his way to the depot after all (no I'm not kidding), at the same time I looked behind me to check on Owen...or the grill..at the same time a car was making its way into the traffic circle. When I looked back around and saw the car, I shrieked and slammed on the brakes and the unsecured grill then fell over onto Owen. 

And I'm not even kidding. 

He was pissed, to say the least, as he was slammed by the tumping grill and so I stopped and opened the door to check on him...or the grill...and he said, "MOM! Are you kidding me?!?!" I barely laughed at all as I apologized and got back in the truck and then may have laughed more as we safely traveled the final mile to our house where we arrived at 5:00 to the happiest Father's Day there could ever be in the land. 

None of these facts were....or could ever be made up in any way possible because this crap is real and I'm not kidding for one second.

Oh, and there are no molding pieces in place anywhere it was supposed to be installed. 

I'd say today it's: 
Home Improvement 0
Lisa and John 0
A zero sum game for all.

Oh happy day to all in the world, whether you have a dangle or not.