Cleaning out closets

Last Sunday, as I was sitting in church, I got a picture of a closet being cleaned out. The shelves were empty but there were still some stuff in it. I knew exactly what it meant. I knew it was mine. I was the closet. For the last year, God's been cleaning out "my closet" and it hasn't been much fun. I know as I live my life, God is constantly helping me grow and change as I give up more and more of my will for His. But this time, this closet cleaning has been different. In this case, He and I have been going through every nook and cranny and it feels like not one item has gone untouched. And we aren't finished.

I don't know how anyone else cleans out their closet but my method is to take EVERYTHING out and dump it on my bed and then begin the process of keeping only the stuff that I think I'll wear. And as I go through it all, inevitably I keep some things that I'm afraid to give away and so it goes back in until the next time. And then, the next time, I find all of that stuff I couldn’t let go of. And then I realize I was holding on to things that just didn’t fit in my life anymore. To tell the truth, all that stuff I kept but never used was just taking up space and being a nuisance to me. And I never even paid attention to the old things. Truth be told, I never wanted any of the old stuff, but I just couldn't bear to let any of it go. So in my closet it stayed. For example, the sweater with the holiday theme embedded in the design that should have been tossed, stayed for one more season. But it was outdated, too big and just doesn't fit anymore. So it took up space until, on the next go round, I did what I should have done in the first place. Let it go.

Well this time, God has been doing the cleaning. And He has been going through every single thing that He wants me to get rid of. And all the stuff I've had in my closet, things I thought I needed or could trust to use for my comfort, He's now asking me to give to Him. He's been waiting patiently for me to do it. He's known the inner struggle I've been going through. But this time, instead of letting me keep those unneeded things, He's been telling me, "Uh uh we're not keeping that this time." He knows better than I do that some of the things I'm still trying to hang on to just don't suit me anymore. He keeps saying, "Give it to me." And then I start with my explanation for why I need to keep it. We have fought over lots of stuff. My side of the discussion goes something like, "Just let me keep this one thing.....please, please, please!" And with the look a parent gives a child when they mean business, He waits until I give up and give in and say somewhat regrettably, "OK take it."

This past year has been a terrible struggle that found me still “wearing” all of the old stuff such as fear, uncertainty, despair, condemnation, frustration, and self pity….just to name a few. As trials would arise, I tried and tried to continue to reach for all the old stuff I had used in the past but God just kept bringing me back to the new. He kept refusing to let me go back. He was determined for me to reach for the new things He was giving me like greater trust in Him, His peace that surpasses all of my understanding, and blind faith in unfathomable situations. Some days felt like I was stepping off a cliff and plunging to the bottom of a canyon. But instead, as I stepped off into the great unknown, I landed right into the palm of God’s enormous steady hand. And as I have had to trust Him with all that I have, I’ve not lost one thing. He knew that I wouldn’t. But I didn’t. I had to walk it out. No matter how frightening it looked.

I won’t say I’ve reached the goal yet. I’m a work in progress. Some days are better than others. I’m so grateful that He’s the most patient God. He loves me more than I can imagine. He has not been angry with me no matter how anxious I became. He has and always will keep the wolves of fear at bay as I continue to learn how to trust Him with all that I have. And then when this season of my life is over, I’ll know that “my closet,” at least for a time, will be neatly organized and full of all the wonderful things God has in store for me. I’m thankful that He wants only the best for me. Even if I make a mess on my way to achieving it.