All I wanted was a driver's license

On Friday this week my driver's license will expire, so Tuesday I went to get it renewed. I did a hair check, face check and BOOM was out the door. It was 10:12 when I left hoping for no crowd at the DMV. Ha ha ha ha ha. Just as I was pulling into the parking lot, I realized I'd left my phone at home. NUTS! Not going back. Opened the office door, found everyone in the city there. NUTS! But I'm in it to win it now! So I took a number and sat. People came and went. I had no phone to play with...first world problem. Things were moving along and then one worker took a teenager for a driving test. NUTS! But there were still two more workers. Then another worker took another teenager for another driving test. MORE NUTS! Shouldn't these kids be in school? FINALLY, after an hour, it was my turn. I had my old license. I had proof of insurance. I had cash. I told the lady I needed a new license. She fiddled with the computer and then asked a question. UH OH. "How is your name written on your social security card?" (It's different than my driver's license as it has been for the last 28 years.) "Well, the law's changed and now your name must be exactly the same on both your driver's license and your social security card." BUREAUCRATIC NUTS! Not getting my license now. "And," she said, "It takes 24 hours for it to show up in our computers and if you don't have it done before your license expires on Friday, you won't have a valid ID to get a social security card." SO SO SO MANY NUTS........ I left there with instructions to go to the social security office and request a name change.

I was so happy as I left the DMV knowing I'd be back soon, went home, retrieved my phone, yelled about the government to Emma, got my social security card and headed to the ss office. Government crapola sucks so much. As I was making my way to the ss office, I passed Dale sitting in his truck on the side of the road and assumed it was broken down. I did a uey in the road, pulled up beside him and asked if he'd broken down. He said no, but instead had stopped to watch this machine with claws literally pull trees out of the ground across from where he was sitting. His eyes were all glazed over with glee as the machine yanked another tree out of the dirt. I was all like OMG, turned to look at what he was looking at....cause I didn't notice before.....did another uey and was back on my way. I got to the ss office, took a number and sat....this time with my phone to play candy crush! After a surprisingly short wait, it was my turn and I told the man my trouble. He went off to talk to someone....that's never good....and then came back and said, "I have to have your birth certificate (that was still at home) before I can do this." MILLIONS AND MILLIONS OF NUTS! Then he said, "And you know this expires on Friday so you need to get this done." DUDE THANKS FOR TELLING ME CAUSE I DID NOT KNOW!!! Now I'm on my way back to my house (Dale was no longer sitting on the roadside) to get the ENTIRE red envelope. Pause to explain the red envelope. Everyone in my family knows the red envelope is to be protected at all costs. It's hidden in our house and contains all our social security cards, birth certificates, important papers and our marriage license. I walked in the house, paused to yell about bureaucracy to Emma, made the executive decision to take the ENTIRE envelope out into the evil world causing all our important documents to be vulnerable to wackos and headed back to the ss office.   

When I got there, guess what?  Take a number. Yep, cause that's what the government always makes you do, while you listen to the worst canned music from hell. As my mind numbed from the Gaelic/spiritual/ritualistic/Star Wars themed music, I played candy crush. The ONLY bright spot in the experience. Once again after a very short wait, I was back at a different window telling my story to a different person. Shockingly enough I got my name changed....easily.....three minutes tops...and left with my new name that's actually the same old name I've always had.

SO the EXACT 24 hours that had to pass for the info to show up was at 1:00 on Wednesday. No way was I gonna trust that a government agency was gonna talk to another government agency about my name change in exactly 24 hours. So, I'm going this morning and hope it all comes together so I won't be deported on Saturday. Can they do that? I hope I'm not aimlessly wandering the world with no valid ID and no new old name come next week. 

And so goes the innocent, "I'm going to get my driver's license and butterflies will kiss my cheeks as I walk in on a cloud of pillows and rainbows." Nuh uh. Kick you in the groin not once, not twice, but three times. That's government. BUT! All the people I had to deal with could not have been nicer and more helpful. None of this was their fault. They were just the deliverers of the bad news. NO TELLING how many times a day they get yelled at for dispensing information about stupid government regulations. If you put your money or trust in the government, they will steal your money while patting you on the back and smiling in your face. 

And I'm not even kidding. 

Godspeed to me this time around. I hope I make it! 

If I believed in crossed fingers I'd do it, but I don't. 

Please please please God make this happen quickly and without any more red tape!

Jesus take the wheel.

There's sleep to be had while the rain's falling.