Again asking why but trusting God

I haven't been in much of a blogging mood lately. Recently, certain events occurred that left me questioning and grieved. And although I write of it here, once again it's not my story to tell. But nonetheless it grieves my soul and causes me to ask for the millionth time, "Why does life have to be so hard?" Even though I ask over and over and over, I have no answers. As well as being grieved, I've had to work to keep my anger in check and not get mad at God and blame Him for all life's problems. It's been a struggle to keep from getting furious and yell, "Why did you let this happen?" I wanted to. I fought not to. Not sure I succeeded altogether.

In all the years I've been a Christian I've had some great times, some good times and some really difficult times. I'd say the last 5 years would have to fall in the difficult category. Really difficult. Not because of people, but because of circumstances that caused me to face many disappointments. These disappointments shook my very foundation, and caused me to ask many times, "God do you remember me?" "Do you remember my name?" Of course the answer was always yes. But even so, I know I must trust God with my life, my loves and all that I have. Many days I don't want to. Many days I want to take control and say, "This is what I want! This is how much I want! And I WANT IT NOW!!" Not surprisingly, God's been unaffected by my demands. And even though I've begged and pleaded and made numerous bargains, the only thing I've heard consistently for years is, "Trust me." Quietly and certainly each and every time I knew it was God who said those words to me. And so, much of the time, with a trembling heart, I've opened my hands and let another dream drift from me, unsure if I'll ever see it again. It's the hardest work I've ever done.

So, as this day ends, I'm still in the place of having to trust God when nothing in the near future looks sure. It's tough. And when I see someone's else's dream postponed as I've felt mine have been, it gives me no comfort. It only grieves my soul to depths I just can't tell you.

I know God is faithful.

I know He's the one I must run to for my provision and safety.

It's all I know to do.

I'll close this post with 2 simple Bible verses.

So simple.

But so hard.

Pick a version you like and never forget what God has told us to do.

Proverbs 3:5 & 6 from the Message
Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don't try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he's the one who will keep you on track. Don't assume that you know it all.

Proverbs 3:5 & 6 from New Living Translation
5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding.
6 Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.

Proverbs 3:5 & 6 from Good News Translation
5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Never rely on what you think you know.6 Remember the Lord in everything you do, and he will show you the right way.

Simple, clear words from God, but one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.

I am determined to trust Him in all things.

My hope is in the Lord.

For myself.

And for others.

You know who you are.