I can't wait to get to Corsicana and take a breath where peace is built into the fabric of the land. The peace I feel there is like no other place I've ever been.
There's been so much sadness in our family in the last few months. And because of that, Owen's final days of college has sort of snuck up on me.
In a couple of weeks Owen will graduate from college and with that, so ends the official schooling of our four kids. Even though Owen has one more graduation in his future after this one, this phase of our lives is ending for John and me. And I can't believe it. This baby boy, the youngest of his generation in our family, is moving on to make his life in the world. Only he's not a baby, he's all grown up. This grown man who is my son will be living somewhere else and I can't imagine not seeing his face around the house every day.
But he will be off for a new challenge of becoming a PhD, and thankfully not too far away. I'll never forget the day Owen was born and the anticipation of getting another girl. I was so convinced he was a girl, so when the doctor told us, "It's a boy," I asked John, "Really, what is it?" And he said, "I think it's a boy." It still makes me smile that John said, I think....
We brought our surprise baby boy home and he was surrounded by three older sisters who loved him fiercely. He managed to fit right into this household, so fully ensconced in pink everything. I'm so glad this tenderhearted guy who never meets a stranger is my son. He is the perfect last child for us.
From his early love of baseball to his intense drive to achieve the best grades he could, he has been something to watch grow up. He will forever be the little boy who figured out how to cheat at Backyard Baseball and the one who loved to play baseball even before he could hold a glove correctly. And the day he walked away from baseball in high school was the day my heart broke a little about it. This first love of his was over and I remember a sense of sadness in him about it. But he took it in stride and then turned his focus to huge academic achievements. And before I knew it, he had graduated from high school at the top of his class as a valedictorian. It happened in a flash.
From boyhood to manhood took 12 seconds. Other things I remember from his little boy years...shaving off his eyebrows almost completely, salted biscuits...we still don't know why.... hidden pepper flakes in the spaghetti....that didn't take long for us to figure out. He was the little mascot of his sister's softball teams and he flirted with all the girls.
He was too cute to resist.
My mother's heart is overwhelmed with the fact that it's almost over. I don't want to go back, but the future is going to be so different for me as a Mom. I'm not altogether sad about it, but it's going to take an adjustment for me to be in this new place. I have no idea what it will look like.
I'm so proud of all that Owen has achieved and I know his determination will help him become whatever he chooses. All four of our kids have courage and a strength of character to achieve the things they set their sights on. And the things they have tackled have been as varied as the four people I birthed. I love them more than I could ever express and I couldn't be prouder of each one of them.
This ULM graduation will be the end of an era in our family. As with much of what we do, our family will be there en masse to support Owen. But when he walks across that stage on May 12th, two people will be missing. It will be the first graduation Mom has missed in my kid's lives. Owen had dogged her for years about being there. He insisted. But for some reason, it was one thing she never promised him. And that wasn't like her.
But it won't be the same without her and Carrie. I am forever grateful that he was loved by both of them.
Things are about to change again, and I wish so much that Mom was here, because she would understand it and tell me it was going to be OK. She knew it, because she lived it.
I think because we have loved so much, it makes the heartache bigger when we lose. The life we have lived together as a family is worth this feeling of loss. It just takes time for our hearts to learn to live without their presence.
Lord have mercy I want them to still be here happy and healthy. But here we are, and here we go with this among many events celebrating without them.
They would be so proud of you Owen.
What a life we have shared together.
Love you all forever and always.
1 comment:
💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜
Post a Comment