It's happening again.

 This time in twos. 

These two are graduating.

From two different schools on two different days. But the result is the same. More of my people are grown ups. Fully grown. Not going back. It's done. And the result for me is, reconciling it in my mind and my heart. 

Because some days, when they leave the house, they look like this to me.

But I know this for sure.

Once I got pregnant there was only one goal....to have a healthy baby. It's a job. Take care. Take care of everything to take care of the baby. Your body is no longer your own. Sacrifices are made to ensure having a healthy child. Then the most intense pain comes in order to make this child come into the world. You do what it takes to make it happen. Whatever it takes. Then you have this tiny, vulnerable, helpless infant who will not survive unless you take care of his or her every need....for years. It's the job of a lifetime that brings so much joy, wonderful memories, seemingly endless exhaustion and great accomplishment. You are hero. Best cook, number one diaper changer, best band aid kisser, nighttime warrior and most loyal fan they will ever have. All under the shelter of your home.

Then the day comes...school....and pieces of your heart are out of the house for hours of the day. And you won't be their only guard or guardian anymore. Trust in others becomes real and more serious than ever before. And then family changes to accommodate the new lifestyle, and rarely is your time your own. It's the mom job. School's at the top of the list and everything else takes a back seat. Because it's important. And so with multi kids in school there are many hoops to jump through. And the mom job means keeping things organized and moving in a forward direction. Because there's schoolwork, school events, school sports, school bedtime and don't forget church. Jesus is calling. And then there's youth group and youth camp and teenaged moods and you've blinked and it's time to start letting go. 

But didn't I just get started? Didn't I just kiss them goodnight and send them back to bed for the tenth time? It couldn't be time...yet.

But it is. 

And even though they will always be mine, they are not just mine any longer. I've been letting go for years. Different stages at least. I'm a multi tasker where that's concerned. Iv'e gone from making all the decisions, to making most of their decisions, to making some of their decisions, to helping them decide. And now watching them make their own. It's a process that tugs at my mother's heart.  

But another thing I know.... 

This mother's heart is devoted to her children. This is how it's been since I had them. This is how it works for me to want my kids to live and thrive and succeed. My heart is where I keep the secrets. Those deeply personal conversations I've had with each one of them. The ones that came from a place of unsureness about something or unanswerable questions in front of them. There've been many prayers, especially on days when I knew once they walked out the door they would have a battle to fight....alone.

They went from being babies who were all mine, to young adults who were partially mine, to adults who are no longer mine to manage. 

It keeps happening.

And so on this night...Owen's last night of high school...it's 2:50 and he's not home. 

He said I didn't have to wait up.

But a mother's heart never sleeps...