The greatest glasses in the history of glasses

To say I'm having a motivation problem these days is putting it mildly. I sorta, kinda, maybe want to blog, but what to write about is a question I've had a difficult time answering. I'm not in the most positive place in life right now. And I don't want to be a drag, so I've avoided this space. 

In the meantime many things have happened that I could have recorded, but I haven't. Owen moved away, Emma was home for a month, we didn't get to take a vacation and I didn't get to gripe about it....well...not on my blog at least. So many changes have and are still taking place. And I'm a reluctant spectator of it all. 

There is a feeling in the pit of my stomach that rarely leaves me. It's a reminder of who is missing in my life. And because I feel that way, it's hard for me to come to this space and write funny things. Or things I think are funny. The funny side of life has been my wheelhouse for as long as I can remember. And while I have recorded the sad events that have taken place in recent months, it's hard for me to move on to fun stuff. So it seems I've lost my way a bit. 

I don't want to be perceived as moving on too soon, because I'm still grieving and missing my Mom and my sister. So where is the line drawn? I'm not sure at all. But today I looked through the drafts for my blog that I worked on in the last few years. For one reason or another I never finished them to post. I ran across this one that brought a smile to my face and a warm memory to my heart. And I decided to share it. It harkens back to a trip almost three years ago that I took with my three sisters to New York City. It was in NYC that I bought some touristy stuff to use for funzies. 

Don't be confused, I wrote the rest of this over a year ago.

Here it is....

Almost three years ago I went to New York City with my sisters and I had a life changing experience when I met Lady Liberty. That's of course the Statue of Liberty. I was the only one in our group of four who hadn't seen it in person and I was determined to visit it even if I had to make a solo trip to make it happen. Turns out all were willing to go with me.

On the day we planned to go, Becky was under the weather and a boat ride wasn't the best plan for her life. She gets motion sickness anyway, so for her to be queasy and then have to get on a boat? Not good. But Becky was a trooper for the cause of the day, so the four of us set out to lower Manhattan to catch the ferry to Liberty and Ellis Islands.

Liberty Island and all things on liberty Island were more magical than I could have imagined. It was a gloriously beautiful blue sky day. I could have stayed for...almost ever.... We took pics, strolled around and visited the gift shop. That's where I bought the second greatest thing in the history of things. What's the first greatest thing in the history of things you're probably asking? A tiny lady liberty statue bought in Times Square of course! 

During the trip over to Liberty Island, Becky left her breakfast somewhere between the island of Manhattan and Libby's house. But somehow she powered through it all and at the end of the day I had my souvenir that I wanted to make interactive. You will see what I mean.

Anyway...the glasses make people stand out from the crowd. I won't say it makes for the most flattering pics, but who cares?!?! They're fabulous!! 

Lets go see who agreed to put them on for a photo. Shall we?

Yes we shall!    

I'll go first!

This is where it all began. I wanted a cheap, touristy Statue of Liberty to take home to Louisiana. Then I found the cheap touristy glasses on Liberty Island....the rest is history. I mean, I look terrible and fabulous all at once in this picture.  

Ugh. Carlie looks way cuter than me.

Carrie Anna being a good sport for me.

Owen's baby face is hidden under a beard these days. Also, he NEVER smiles for silly pics. 

The one. The only. Gmaw in the glasses. 

The one. The only Beba in the glasses. 

The different commitments to the Libby glasses pics are so funny to me. As varied as the people trying them on.

James seems to be saying..."Really?"

These glasses don't make friends with hats. 

William looks as though he's doing a dab with the glasses on. I like it.

Then he went straight up cute picture taking. 

One more. 

There were repeat offenders. 

James seemed to have gotten on board with my vision.

So we kept snapping away. 

How cute is that face?

Even Addy got in on it.

She wasn't amused. 

I mean, these are fabulous. 

Kit Kat looks skeptical.

Still fabulous and I don't ever want to lose these glasses.

I still have the best glasses in the history of glasses, so if anyone wants to come by for a pic, just let me know. Why would you not?

That ends the old post and brings us back to the current me. 

So there you have it. I posted a post and didn't make myself cry. Well done me. 

It's now 1:54 AM. Do you know where my Libby glasses are?

That makes two of us. I'm now off to find them and then go to bed. 

Ta people. 

Update so people won't worry....I found the Libby glasses. Crises averted.

NOW I'm really going to bed.

Living without her

I've had the greatest intentions of spending more time on my blog, but it hasn't worked out that way. I've had the hardest time staying focused or caring to put my thoughts down for me to see. Let alone anyone else. 

The truth is, I'm struggling to succeed at overcoming grief. So many things have changed, and there's much more left to settle out. It's been nine months since I talked to my mother. Nine months of silence. Nine months of missing her like crazy. And in those nine months I've learned one thing for certain. There is not one person on this earth who can fill her void in my life. And I don't know what to do with myself. 

I was at her house the other day, sitting in her room. It's not easy looking at her things, all the while wishing she was there. Very little has changed there since she left us, except for Carrie's things that are in Mom's room. Which makes it all that much more difficult. Carrie's sweater sitting on the bed, a reminder she too is gone. It's like a knife in the hand. 

I know what a broken heart feels like. It's what I feel like almost every day. Waking up to the remembrance they are both gone from my life. Knowing I can never speak to either of them again. The hardest part of it all is the separation. The loss of communication.    

So instead of being able to talk to Mom, I find myself looking through her Christmas notebooks. She has lists that date from 1986 to last Christmas. Her 2017 list she was working so hard to finish, still incomplete. 

I love to see her handwriting and how meticulous she was about keeping a record of all she gave. 

I love seeing my name in her hand. 

1986
Lisa - house door stop - heart bracelet 

In 1986 my mother gave me a house door stop, and I'm certain the heart bracelet is 1980's fabulous, in my jewelry box. 

But the real treasure, for me, is her handwriting. I sat there lost in her words, wishing so desperately that I was waiting for her to come in the room and settle in for a chat. 

I need to talk to her. And I want her to talk back to me.  

Mom never told me everything would be OK. She let me talk through whatever it was I wanted to say. No matter what it was. It was Mom and me. Her understanding....because she was Mom. And she was mine. Lots of times our talks were about learning to let go. Letting my children go. Watching them leave.  

I wish....she were here to sit with me as I try to figure it out. 

I wish....I could hear her voice. 

I think it ironic that I want to talk to her about letting go, when that's what I have to do with her. 

A friend once told me you are never old enough to lose your mother. She was right. 

I'm 59 years old and I've lost my mother. 

And I feel lost without her. 

A cloudy sunset

I took these sunset pictures on Sunday evening. Cloudy days usually have prettier sunsets. There's something prophetic about that statement regarding life and clouds and darker days. 

I know the Bible says we will have trouble, but getting to the other side of that trouble is the hard part. This time last year we hadn't a clue what lay ahead for us. 

The hard part of life is not any fun at all. I miss my mother and my sister today. 

Sunsets will always remind me of my family in heaven and here on earth. 

Here's to getting to the other side....

And feeling like it. 

Two posts...scroll for two

Thanks so much for all the responses about my last post, I appreciate it so much. I want to write stories about our family that make us remember the fun times. I hope to continue to do that in the future. I have a few trips coming up in July, but I hope to have lots finished before I leave! 

In the meantime, in keeping with yesterday's post, I wanted to record something from a long time ago. When Gran and Grandma were still alive and well, Mom was living with them while she was taking care of Mollie and Nina. It was when Mollie was in poor health and she was in the nursing home. Nina, her ever protective and devoted sister, moved into the nursing home with Mollie to help watch over her. It was a terrible time for them both, but Billie June was there to do all that she could to help them. 

The rest of us took turns going back and forth to help out and visited regularly. Doing that helped them and us. We got to spend lots of valuable time with all of them. It was during that time I wrote Gran a letter to tell him how much he meant to us. I wanted to do it because even though Gran was an awesome individual, he was also prone to get down in the dumps occasionally. 

In the time since they have been gone, I've looked and looked for that letter. I searched their house for it and never found it. Two weeks ago I was at Mom's, looking for some other letters, and I found the one I wrote to Gran! I was so happy to have finally found it. Billie June obviously snagged it and brought it home and put it with her keepsakes. So, I've been reunited with the letter. Now I'm going to post it here. After rereading it, I still think all those same things about him. 

He was the greatest. 

Gran's letter

I have wanted to write you for some time to let you know some things that have been on my heart. I know I speak for all of us when I say we could not have been given a greater gift than you. You are more priceless to us that any other treasure God could have chosen to give us. Without you to lead our family, there is no way any of us would be who we are today. We have watched you from the time we were babies and always thought, "if Gran did it, it had to be right and it had to be fun." The memories that we have made with you will always be part of us, those memories have shaped our lives, and are now shaping our children's lives.

Over the years as we spent time with you, we learned how to do the right thing, just by watching you. You always stood so tall, even now. We measure your worth by the time you took to be with us and the fun we always had. It was always expected that we would have a great time and come home from a trip to Corsicana with a new story and a lot of laughs. and you never let us down. There are so many stories, and too many laughs to count. Not one day goes by that I don't hear the echoes of all the good times that we shared over the years. How precious they are to me. Beet canning, potato picking, me and the horse carwash, Carrie and the truck in the ditch, Dale and the cows getting the better of the cowboy, Dale and the firecrackers, Dale and the hot fires, Dale and the fences going up and coming down, (too many Dale stories!!!) hayrides, sweating, Melanie's bear and her screaming, (I think that is a Dale story also). Gran and Becky and the bees and Frank's sunsets. I could go on for pages. How could one family have so much fun? 

How is it that God blessed us with grandparents like you and Bessie? No treasure on earth could compare. We are so very fortunate to have you as ours and to love and to be loved by you. We have all seen what a great man looks like, you. How wonderful to have been truly loved, by Truly. I wish you could stay here with us forever and I hope you know how much you are loved.

From a grateful granddaughter
From a grateful family,
Love you always,
Lisa 

To have one more day with him