What I really want to do is sit here and lament about all the sad things again, but instead I'm going to write about the things for which I'm grateful and thankful. Because today I'm choosing to trust God with my feelings and my heart. This year has been one of our toughest on record and it's been hard and long and sad and happy and so many things I just can't list them all. But here we all are as a family, still trusting God even when we don't understand and for sure don't like it. So, I'm thankful for the fact we've made it together.
I'm thankful that Carrie is no longer in pain and that she made it out of this fallen world and into the next. I'm thankful that Jesus was waiting to greet her personally into his open arms. I'm thankful she was reunited with all the people in heaven we miss so desperately. I'm glad she and Mom only spent a few short months apart, because they were great companions to each other.
Carrie was fiercely loyal to her family, and she loved us all, but we know Billie June had her most unending devotion. The two of them spent many hours together and were the best of friends. So to think Carrie would be happy on this earth without Mom was just plain wrong. But having said that, I'm still terribly sad for myself and all the rest of us that she isn't here with us.
I'm thankful for the memory of her beautiful blue eyes. I'm so grateful to have enjoyed a kinship with Carrie as my sister. She was this generous, thoughtful, never forgot anything, personal shopper, very detailed person. Her generosity was legendary. She would give you anything that was hers. That was always her way. If you admired something of hers, her first reaction was usually, "Take it."
But what I'm most thankful for is the time we spent together as a family. I'm thankful that we have all stood together to get to the other side of this loss that was so huge for us. We have had some really tough days filled with grief, but we have helped each other through with encouragement and kind words and the reminder that we grieve with hope.
I'm very grateful for this family of ours and that we live, love and laugh through the years together. I could not do this life without any of you. Each one of you is precious to me and I'm so very thankful to God for you all.
One last thing. Happy birthday to Whitney Caroline Walker Foster. I'll never forget the night Carrie left us on your birthday and you walked into the room and said, "I feel like Carrie just said to me, checkmate." And with that unforgettable statement, we all laughed together. Even in our deepest sorrows we have still always found a way to laugh together. That's another thing I'm so very thankful for. I'm praying for your best year ever Whitney...full of hope and happiness and wonderful times.
As I close I pray that our hearts continue to mend and that we have so much fun in the years ahead, full of new babies and weddings and engagements and more weddings and more babies. There are so many adventures yet to be had. So many memories yet to be made. So much love yet to be shared. I'm looking forward to it all.
Love to each and every single one of you today and everyday.
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