Life is speeding up

John and I are counting down the days until this daughter moves away.

When I think about how many miles away she'll be, this is the picture I have in my head.

But of course she's a grown woman. Capable and ready. But we can't imagine not having her near. But of course she has to go. This is the battle raging in our hearts. 

John and I are in a never ending cycle of letting go. That will never end I think, and it's the hardest thing we've faced as parents. Emma will always be our second born daughter, but never second best. No favorites here. Loving each of them with our whole hearts has been easy for us. Watching them leave is not. 

I could list Emma's resume here because I'm her biggest fan, but I will just tell this story instead. When she was in college she came home one day and told me she was quitting her campus office job to work for the ULM newspaper. I was nervous about the change, but she was determined (shocker). Not to my surprise she eventually became editor of the paper. They wrote serious stories about campus life and the administration wasn't always happy about it, but she stood her ground against them. 

Without a doubt her decision to work for that paper led to her getting this new job. But even knowing that opportunities like this don't come along very often, it's still hard for this to happen. 

Each morning I wake up, it's the first thing I think about. Reconciling this in my heart is the battle, but I know she has to do this. In the last two weeks we've talked a lot, speculated tons, dreamed a little, but made no concrete plans. Not knowing where she will live or how far work will be and how will she get groceries home without a car....my mind has raced from worry to worry. But it's clear this is her next step. And the sky's the limit.

So as the days of our kids living in the same town dwindle down to a precious few, John and I know what our hearts are feeling. But I'm afraid this is the new normal for us, because there's more leaving coming soon.

But for now, for today, I have to remember the girl leaving isn't this little piggy tailed cutie.     

She's a grown woman making good decisions who's about to take a big step and a huge bite out of life.

And a pretty big bite out of our hearts as well.

My photos are my journal

The days and weeks are flying by and I never have enough time in the day to get everything done I need to do. Of course that statement is absurd, because of course I have plenty of time. I just find many ways to piddle it away. Bits of time wasted here or there. What's worse is I don't feel bad about it. But here I am making the effort to post something before the end of this day. (I started this three days ago.)

What's been happening, John and I have been continuing to make cabinet doors and paint them....him making, me painting. Our first set is complete and hung. 

John's first foray into cabinet door making. I'd say it was a great first effort. 

Here's how the door making went....and this is in no way disparaging him. He measured and thought and read some stuff and then measured and thought and pondered some more and then calculated and thought some more. Watched some videos....and two weeks later we had two of eight doors completed. And while I would NEVER attempt making a door, and while I'm not making fun, I don't have the patience to wait 16 weeks to complete 8 doors. 

Since I started this post, I'm happy to report the second set of doors is painted and will be hung by Wednesday or Thursday. I'll report back when it happens.  

In the meantime I'm continuing the photo purge and it DOES take so much time I just can't tell you. I started in my very first photo album and have set my eyes on every photo I've ever taken or been given to see if it's album worthy. Sadly so many are not. It's made me think the ONLY reason to go back in time to re-live my life or re-raise my kids would be if I  could do it with a digital camera in hand to document it all. I'd save thousands of dollars in film developing and have better pictures all day long. It grieves me more than it should.

The whole photo purging has been much more of an emotional process than I ever dreamed it would be. Some good, some not so good. One such group of pics contains horses from many years past. If there's a horse in the picture, my absolute first thought is, "Well that horse is dead." I don't know whhhhyyyyy!!! 

There's been much to remember and appreciate, and so many faces I miss. 

For almost 46 years I had the privilege of calling him Gran. I enjoyed his company more than I could ever express. Fun, funny, joyful, and just plain wonderful. That's who he was to me.

For 40 years I walked around the corner to find her sitting there in her spot. Right where she belonged. Call her excellent cook, garden tender, wonderful seamstress. All self taught. She worked hard all her life. She was one of a kind. 

My sweet Aunt Mollie. Soft spoken, never talked bad about anyone. She was one of a kind as well. The oldest of her siblings, she lived through many tragedies and maintained her faith in God and family. She was a gem for sure. I'm proud to be her namesake. 

My aunt Nina...notice I didn't call her sweet! Salty would be more her adjective. I'd say I was more like her than my namesake. She was fiercely loyal and when charged with making supper one time when she was young, cooked a huge pot of potatoes. And that was supper. She was sassy and special and wonderful. Mollie and Nina passed away before Emma, Olivia and Owen were born. If only...

Then I found gems like these. When looking at this photo someone else might think it a throw away pic, but not me. 

This is my whole family. With four children on the ground the pregnancy phase of my life was over. We were all in the bathroom together because the three older were so excited to have a baby brother. I can't say it's always been that way...but when I see the four of them interact with each other, I know all the pregnancies and hard work was worth it. They will always have each other to rely on. When I saw this picture last week I realized it represents my life's work. 

Everyone got a turn to hold their baby brother.

I could eat up the sweetness here.

Totally worth it all.

The first time my grandmother saw her last great grandchild. 

My pictures are like a journal of the past. I've tried journaling with words and after rereading what I'd written, I couldn't stand myself. It was awful. But my photos of taking Owen to see Bessie for the first time, and seeing that moment....

It's better than words. 

An update about where I've been and what I've been doing

Two weeks ago I began working on a post, then decided to scan a picture to add to the post. That's when I discovered my computer wouldn't recognize my scanner and therefore I was stuck. It took daaaayyyyss and multi searches online to try to figure out why....even when directly connected...the two devices would not talk to each other. I became enraged. That can happen when electronic things act like jerks. Thank goodness I stopped short of throwing them through a window. Finally, and I don't even remember how, John and I worked out the problems. It doesn't need to be this hard people!! 

In the meantime of trying to work out those issues, John and I made the decision to make new cabinet doors for our bookcase. John's cabinetry work is a process, since this is his first attempt at it. I'm happy to report we have two finished, only six more to go. There will be pictures forthcoming. And while he was working on that, I decided to do something I've wanted to do for many years. I began the process of going through each and every photo album I own to take out ripped pages as well as really really bad photos. There have been tons of both so far. After one week, I'm sorry to say I'm not even halfway through the books. It's very long and tedious. BUT. I'm in it to win it now, there's no going back. And that's why I haven't blogged, even though I said I was going to be blogging more often. 

This is one of two posts today. 

This one is the explanation of where I've been.

The next one is the one I wanted to post two weeks ago. 

So scroll for two, cause there are.... 

Pat Garvin

In going through some old stuff a few weeks ago, Carrie found this obituary of our great grandfather Pat Garvin. To me he's always been a stately looking gentleman in a faded photograph. A stranger connecting us to the past. My aunts, Mollie and Nina, often spoke of Grandpa Garvin remembering him fondly. He was born in Ireland and lived in Pennsylvania before he moved to Texas. It's all there in the obituary, and sounds like he lived a big life. 

I've scanned so many old pictures of faces and places I know nothing about, but they're part of the foundation of a family that lives on. The people who knew those faces best are also gone, and their stories are a distant memory. If only I'd listened better or written it all down back then. 

But the faces never change, frozen in the image of a picture to look at and wonder. Wonder about voices and accents and laughter and experiences and wisdom. 

Pat and Mary Garvin will always be my great grandparents I never knew, but I loved the name Garvin so much that it's Emma's middle name. Connecting the present to the past. Names live on for forever in a memory. 

We have lots of those...

Pat Garvin, Long Time Resident Of County Is Dead
VETERAN OF UNION ARMY AND AN HONORARY MEMBER CAMP WINKLER, U.C.V

Pat Garvin, 87, native of Ireland, but resident of Navarro county for 52 years, died at the home of his daughter, Mrs. J.G. Walker, 212 North Eighteenth street, Friday morning at 3:40 o'clock following an illness of several days, and the funeral will be held from the Church of the Immaculate Conception Saturday morning at 10 o'clock with burial in the Catholic cemetery. The services will be conducted by Rev. V. Graffeo. 

Mr. Garvin, one of the oldest and best known citizens of Corsicana was born in Ireland, March 3, 1842, and came to America when 10 years of age. The family settled in Philadelphia, Pa. He was married to Mary Lynch in 1868. Mr. and Mrs. Garvin came to Navarro county and settled about six miles east of Corsicana near Phillips Chapel where he has resided since. He was a veteran of the Union army, but had attended the meetings of the Confederate veterans for a number of years. 

Surviving are two sons, Joe Garvin and Frank Garvin, and two daughters, Miss Ida Garvin and Mrs. J. G. Walker, all of Corsicana; eight grandchildren, Frances Garvin, Lee Ward Garvin, Mary Walker, Owen Walker, Nina Walker, Howard Walker, Joe Garvin Walker and Frank Meredith Walker. 

Active pallbearers will be A. W. King, J. L. Hill, T. J. Hickey, A. P. Young, E. E. Sheehey, E. R. Crotty. 

Honorary pallbearers will be Dr. T. . Miller, Sam H. Slay, Harry Williams, W. E. Pugh, A. G. Elliott, E. A. Johnson, Pat Brown, J. D. McBee, Johnny Noble, Allyn Lang, J. W. McGill, M. Bryant, Raleigh Ellis, Same Ellis, W. F. Patterson.

Jeff Sheehan, J. C. Hughes, P. Mayer, M. O. (Dad) Kennemore, B. T. Delahay, Hugh Loper, R. E. Walker, J. J. Walker, J. O. Burke, C. C. Roberts, Mit Sowell, Al Sowell, S. J. Lanham, R. D. Fleming, W. H. Jack, Ben Wimberley, K. Wolens, S. D. Ramsey, Warren Hicks, Judge H. C. Nash.

J. H. Robinson, Edd Devant, Charlie Woods, W. D. Nolan, J. J. Bledsoe, Judge Hawkins Scarborough, R. M. Smith, Walter Hayes, Chas. Thornell, Luther Johnson, W. P. McCammon, Dick Bryan, Judge R. R. Owen, George E. Jester, Lowry Martin, Lynn Wortham, Dr. J. A. Jones Louis Hashop.

Sam Blair, Jester Pittman, John W. Stewart, D. L. Phillip, Elevyn Ellis, J. W. Greenlee, W. W. Gage, and all members of Camp Winkler, United Confederate Veterans. 

Pat Garvin, as he was familiarly known to hundreds, was one of the prominent farmers and stock raisers of Navarro county for many years, and was one of the best known and most highly respected of all in the entire county. He was always courteous and friendly and a jovial companion. If he had aches or pains of worries or troubles of any sort he never inflicted them on his friends, always having a pleasant and kindly word for all. 

Although Mr. Garvin was a veteran of the Union Army in the war between the states, and fought valiantly for his country in the intercene strife, he was honored and loved by the veterans of the lost cause and met with them in their local gatherings and was an honorary member of Camp Winkler and attended all its meetings and aided financially in its support and also took a leading part in seeing that the aged Confederate veterans were enabled to attend their annual reunions. 

There are few men in Navarro county who had a wider acquaintance or who was more universally respected and esteemed than Pat Garvin. When he cast his lot with Texas and the South to all purposes he was a Texan and a Southerner, and while he made visits back to his old home in the Northland he always returned with his love for his adopted home and its people unimpaired. His friends will mourn with his family in the passing of a stalwart, true-hearted citizen of this nation. 
...........

People don't write that way anymore.

Hoping to post something today!

So come back and check it!